


Maladjusted

by winterkills00



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Animal Death, Butt Plugs, Choking, Explicit Sexual Content, Furry Tail And Ears, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medicine, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Puppy Play, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:15:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21563599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterkills00/pseuds/winterkills00
Summary: “Joe he’s.. he wasn’t right in the head when he came to find me.”Staci knows this. Hell the whole fucking town is well aware by now.“But I wasn’t right in the head either. It’s eh- our fathers fault I suppose.” He flicks the cigarette and Staci notices his fingers are shaking around it, even if he’s wearing his fingerless gloves.
Relationships: Male Deputy | Judge/John Seed, Staci Pratt/Jacob Seed
Comments: 55
Kudos: 174





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a hard time with mental illness issues please beware! Mental illness is different from everyone and I’m not trying to diagnose anyone. I wrote this piece in an effort to control some things in my life, and this is what it turned into.

He’s not the big bad wolf Staci remembers. He’s still big, just not as scary anymore. Staci hadn’t expected to see him ever again in his life. The Seeds got off easy, in the turmoil and chaos of the bombs they snuck under the radar and got away with minimal sentence. Staci saw it in the news in Mary Mays bar, drinking most of his days away.

Staci knew it was Jacob leaving dead rabbits outside his trailer, not sure if it was a threat or a bad habit. This time there’s no dead animals, just a calm Jacob with a goddamn plastic container. “‘S lasagna..” he murmurs and Staci can feel his initial fight or flight response damping down. 

Jacob’s obviously no threat anymore, his eyes avoiding Staci’s and his voice low and calm. He sighs and rubs the back of his head when Staci doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even take the Tupperware. “Joes idea.. we eat at Johns every Tuesday and this was... leftovers..“ it’s a lot of information Staci notices. He’s not used to Jacob wanting to share more than necessary. More importantly, Jacob doesn’t say sorry, like Staci expects.

Eventually Staci takes it and nods, not trusting his voice so much with four beers and a shot of vodka before 3 pm. “I know you don’t want me to ask for forgiveness, that’s not what this is..” Jacob swallows, his voice going a little slurred and Staci feels like there’s something weird up with him. 

Staci still hasn’t said anything, he’s not sure why, maybe because he’s used to Jacob barking curses at him when he tries to speak without being asked. He tries anyways. “Then what is it?” His voice sounds scared to his own ears, not sure he wants to know the answer. 

Jacob clenches his eyes like he can hear it too. Can hear how scared staci still is of him. He runs a hand through his hair and Staci avoids looking at the way his fingers are shaking. Even if he notices how long Jacob’s hair has become. No more military style undercut, just a soft flow of ginger hair all around.  
“I can’t help but think.. if we’ve met in another time.. It would have been.. better..” the last word he has to chew on a bit, careful not to promise anything better than that. 

“We knew each other before? You never pursued me?” Staci almost bites out, the anger curling in his gut again with memories of how Jacob used to hold his face in his big hands. They didn’t know each other as intimately as they did during those months of captivity, but Pratt remembers Jacobs intensely blue eyes from before all this started. Once or twice when Pratt was on patrol, some of the neighbors had complained about Jacobs animals. Said they were aggressive.  
Other times it would just be randomly in Falls End, but then he would usually be accompanied by John or Joseph. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Jacob’s voice sounds tired. Like he doesn’t want to continue but somehow makes himself anyways. “I was sick before all this. Before Edens Gate.”  
Stacis roams around in his mind for a memory of Jacob being sick, taking medicine or even just coughing, but he comes up empty.  
Jacob had always been the strong one, would never show weakness.

“Sick.. how?” He feels like he should have shut this down before it even started, he doesn’t owe Jacob a conversation. Doesn’t owe him anything. Still, he feels the jab of wanting to comfort Jacob. His capturer for so many months, responsible for making him into the broken shell of what he is today. 

Jacob’s eyes turn down and he fiddles in his big cowboy jacket for his cigarettes. Like he needs the added strength for this conversation. 

“Joe he’s.. he wasn’t right in the head when he came to find me.”  
Staci knows this. Hell the whole fucking town is well aware by now.  
“I should have gotten him help- someone to talk to- medicine something.” He lights the cigarette and visibly calms.  
Pratt still doesn’t say anything, feels like he’s dealing with a spooked animal, no sudden moves or Jacob will flea.  
“But I wasn’t right in the head either. It’s eh- our fathers fault I suppose.” He flicks the cigarette and Staci notices his fingers are shaking around it, even if he’s wearing his fingerless gloves. 

“It’s genetic, I think.. schizophrenia. Our old man was a crazy bastard. We’re all getting treatment now. Better late than never I guess..” it’s too much, Staci feels like Jacob’s oversharing, like he doesn’t want to know these things.  
When Jacob said sick he thought like cancer or arthritis or something. Not this. Even if it’s probably the most logical explanation for how all three brothers acted as lunatic as they did. 

It explains why Jacob’s so docile looking, why staci noticed right away how he’s gotten a little more soft around the edges, his eyes not sunken in, face a little more full. How his hands are shaking and how he’s having a hard time stringing together basic sentences. Staci knows people on antidepressants, have seen them gain weight and how their whole world slows down. He imagined whatever the doctors have stuffed Jacob with is similar. 

He went to see a doctor too, a therapist for a long time. He was even offered anxiety meds but refused, didn’t like how tired they made him. Reminded him too much of being out of control under Jacob’s mind games.  
The same Jacob who looks so little like that cruel monster Staci remembers in his mind. 

“I made a goal with my therapist. To share more with the people I care about. Open up.”  
He swallows thickly and Staci takes a step back. That explains why Jacob’s talking more.  
But why the fuck is he considering Staci someone he cares about. It makes him snort, doesn’t give a Shit about hurting the other man, after he opened up about something so personal.  
He’s clearly mocking Staci with this, thinking he could ever be more than Jacobs prisoner. 

“You destroyed every chance of that, you know that right?”  
He doesn’t have to explain what he means, Jacob’s nodding slowly, aware of the damage he did. They’ll never have a happy ending. Jacob doesn’t deserve that. 

He stubs out the cigarette and goes back into his pocket to get something else out. Staci freezes for a second, scared Jacob’s gonna knife him down or something, when he holds out his palm.  
It’s his mother’s necklace. The one that was ripped from his neck the minute he was in Jacob’s territory. Staci inhales sharply, feels his body start to tremble. He wants to cry. For the first time in months he finally feels something. 

Neither of them speak, Staci can feel the guilt radiating off Jacob. He doesn’t want to touch him. Doesn’t want to remember what those big rough fingers did to him.  
Instead he places his hand underneath Jacob’s, so he has to willingly drop it into Stacis hand.  
As soon as he’s got it he turns around, shuts his trailer door loudly and falls to the ground, back to the door as he sobs quietly into his hands. 

——-

He doesn’t wear the necklace. It feels tainted now, like he doesn’t deserve it. It’s under his pillow so he can grab it whenever he feels lonely, the little golden coin reminding him that his mother is always there in spirits. 

It’s two weeks later when he sees Jacob again. He’s standing outside the pharmacist, cigarette in hand but staring straight out into the air.  
He looks like Shit. Like he hasn’t showered in a while, beard and hair a little out of control and eyes still calm and docile, like the fire has been put out of him. 

It’s Friday so Jacob shouldn’t be in Falls End and for a moment staci feels his chest tighten with the possibility that Jacob’s stalking him.  
He doesn’t know why but he’s already walking towards him.  
Jacob doesn’t notice, his cigarette is almost all out and stacis pretty sure he hadn’t been smoking any of it.  
It’s only when he’s standing right in front of him that Jacob looks up with a bored stare, finally noticing that a person isn’t supposed to just stop in front of him.  
His eyes light up a little when he recognizes Staci, then quickly turns away, like he’s nervous and again, this is such a different person. Staci can almost not connect the two. 

“Hey.” He finally says. Jacob hums back, then goes for a “hey..” back once he’s got his words back.  
He finds another cigarette and lights it, the other already stubbed out on the ground.  
Staci doesn’t remember Jacob smoking this much, once in a while when Joseph drove Jacob mad but not like this, looking like he needs it so desperately.  
Jacob notices him staring, huffs a little laugh.  
“Therapist says it’s better than my other methods of coping. Less.. destructive..” he sounds tired and Staci wants to hug him and it hurts that he’s even thinking that. 

“Wanna get lunch?” And yeah staci probably lost his mind somewhere in the mud at the veteran center.  
Jacob’s brows furrow and he stops the cigarette halfway to his mouth. He’s checking to see if Stacis joking but there’s no traces of laughter, only a stare just as exhausted as Jacobs. 

He nods and follows Staci to a diner across the street. Staci can’t take him to Mary Mays bar. That would be crazy. But this place is cozy and anonymous enough.

They sit next to each other at the bar instead of across in a booth, staci can’t deal with that just yet, staring into Jacob’s face for too long and he’ll feel a little sick.  
He can’t help but look Jacob over when he’s removed his jacket. He was right, Jacob looks fuller now. He was big before but he looks softer now, rounded him into looking less scary. 

Staci ordered the soup of the day and Jacob just murmured a “same here” and wasn’t he just full of surprises lately.  
He hadn’t really thought of how awkward it would feel to eat with Jacob, considering they never had even portions before. Jacob would always wolf down big meals of meat in front of him while he got gruel or a piece of bread if he was lucky. 

Jacob was eating more calmly now, not in a hurry, even if he was still ordering a second round of bread.  
“Medicine makes me feel empty, even if I’m nauseated.”  
And there it was again, Jacob oversharing. Staci hadn’t even said anything about it.  
Somehow it didn’t feel so bad this time. A dark part of him wanted to know more about Jacob. Maybe the part of him that yearned for them to have met in a different time. Where he could actually enjoy a big mountain boyfriend. 

“Sorry about the rabbits by the way. Was a bit off for a while.” It was an apology but not one Staci was expecting. The dead animals outside his house was the least of the traumas Jacob had inflicted on him.  
“You’re a lot more quiet than you used to be.”  
Staci should be mad at that comment. Who’s fault was it that he had become an alcoholic hermit? He just shrugged, tired of feeling angry and resentful.  
“You talk a lot more.” Staci answered, and Jacob huffed a little laugh, and it almost felt like a natural situation for once. 

He knew it was cruel, for himself and for Jacob but he couldn’t help but put his hand over Jacob’s.  
The bigger man tensed, as Staci suspected he probably didn’t like being touched much and this was, kinda intimate. Not just a friend comforting another friend, they were way past that- actually Staci feels like they skipped that friend part and went straight to fucking. Even if it was complicated, Staci still remembers enjoying it. 

——

The first time they fuck since Staci came back home is- anticlimactic. It’s in the bathroom of the diner they meet at every once in a while.  
Like a couple of broken soldiers meeting in ptsd groups to patch each other up.  
Except they don't feel sorry for each other anymore. They just eat and sometimes talk, but more importantly they enjoy being close to each other. They still only sit next to each other, Staci likes feeling the warmth radiating from Jacob’s big body as he removes yet another layer, suddenly feeling overheated. Their shoulders bump and at one point Staci put his head on Jacob’s body, not caring if anyone’s looking at them. Or if Jacob inhales sharply like he’s been burned all over again. 

It takes a few more lunch meetings before Staci lures Jacob into the bathroom stall. He knows the big man can’t say no to him anymore, their roles not exactly reversed but Jacob has a conscious now, he can feel regret and guilt and Staci uses that against him. 

Pratt’s face is pressed against the bathroom door as Jacob covers him from behind, big and warm like he remembers him, the smell of danger and blood still cling to him, something he can never wash away. Stacis jeans are around his ankles and he can hear Jacob opening his own belt buckle hurriedly. They don’t have any condoms so he’s not gonna get fucked but Pratt still moans in satisfaction as he feels Jacob’s cock between his thighs. He knew he had missed it, jerked off to the feeling of Jacob’s hand on his throat, more than a handful of times. 

This just feels better than that. Better than when he was starved in between sucking Jacob’s dick. Better because He can hear how much he’s hurting Jacob. The little wounded noises of pleasure he’s kissing into Pratt’s neck as he comes between his slick thighs, trembling hands jerking Staci off. 

Staci’s keeping mostly quiet, not wanting to give Jacob the satisfaction of his moans just yet- the man has to earn that.  
He does whimper into his arm as he comes, coating Jacob’s big tight fist with his come, looking down at the mess he’s making.  
It doesn’t send him spiraling down a self destructive hatred like he thought it would. Actually it kinda settles in his stomach warmly, especially when Jacob holds him tightly like they are in some luxurious hotel room, pampering his loved one.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s on and off. Their thing.   
Whatever it is. Jacob’s rarely in his neighborhood, the people there don’t like him around.   
Which, obviously, Staci gets.   
Doesn’t stop him from wanting to see Jacob. 

They’re in the parking lot of the diner, a bit in the back.   
Jacob’s behind the wheel in his beloved truck.   
It’s not eggshell white with the familiar black cross cult logo on it anymore. It’s got a new forest green paint and it gives Staci a different feeling now. 

It’s dark, the autumn air still making the wind a little cold and Staci can tell Jacob’s nervous. He’s sweating already and they only just ate and talked for a bit.   
But it’s cus he knows what comes after dinner. He’s used to it by now, how Staci wants to take from him. Jacob gives it to him gladly but it takes a bit of his soul every time. 

Staci leans in to hold Jacob’s damp face in his hand, kisses him softly, none of that urgent desperate energy that he usually has coursing through him.   
Jacob sighs in the silence, closes his eyes and Staci’s grateful, cant take those tamed eyes anymore, they make him feel bad and god Jacob is the last person to feel sorry for. 

It’s nice and calm, a pleasant buzz going through Staci as he opens his mouth and takes the kiss further. His tongue mingling with Jacobs.   
He’s scratching a bit at the big red beard, not trying to make the moment violent, just brushing his fingers against it to remind himself that Jacob’s really here.   
Turning in his seat behind the wheel, to hold a shaky hand on Stacis. 

Stacis hand goes downwards, just casually gripping the plaid shirt between his fingers and Jacobs eyebrows scrunches a little bit, his heart going faster beneath Stacis warm hand. It encourages Staci to go further, hand trailing further down until-  
Until Jacobs clammy hand stops him.   
Jacob backs away from the kiss with a little apologetic frown.   
“I’m sorry I-..” he looks flushed and a little bit like he can’t breathe.  
“I’m too stressed.. I think.. for that.”

There’s nothing to be stressed about. They are literally hidden behind multiple cars and in the dark.   
But Staci gets it. He can tell by the beads of sweat on Jacob’s scarred forehead that he’s anxious, he doesn’t want to be that vulnerable here.   
What they do together means a lot more to Jacob now, which is probably why Staci likes to do it, wants Jacob to feel shit.

Staci just nods, moves his hand back up to Jacob’s face, leans in to kiss him again. Jacob responds well to that, breathing more slow again and hand coming back to hold on Stacis arm. 

They sit in the truck for another 20 minutes, just kissing, enjoying the fresh air coming down from the whitetail mountains, and each other. 

“Come to dinner with me?” Jacob’s kissing Stacis jaw, the rough stubble just how he remembers it under his lips.   
They never left marks on each other, for Stacis sake mostly.   
It’s not like people in Falls End didn’t realize Staci was fucking Jacob, it’s just that they didn’t want to mash it in everyone’s faces more than necessary.   
Even if Staci wouldn’t mind a mark, one that didn’t stay so he could justify it when it left again. 

Jacobs siblings know.  
Joseph could see it in his nervous energy radiating out off him. His little brother always had this weird gift of being able to read people really well.   
John’s happy for him. John’s always happy nowadays.   
A little too much for Jacobs taste cus it’s not that genuine happy, it’s his manic eye twitches and hand gestures, but it’s better than the alternative.   
John also gained weight which fucks with his image a lot. Joseph stopped giving him lectures about vanity a long time ago though, which Jacob is grateful for. 

“At Johns house?” Staci says in the dark, almost a whisper. He never thought he would ever see the Seeds again and now he’s contemplating eating at their dinner table. In Johns pretentious ranch.   
He catches himself before grimacing too obviously but Jacob still chuckles lowly at him.   
“Alright alright never mind..”   
there was still some humor in Jacob and it made Staci smile back.  
Weird.   
It was all so fucking weird.   
Laughing and smiling with Jacob Seed after they had kissed each other breathless.   
“Was worth a shot.” Jacob says before leaning in and pecking Staci on the cheek, giving up the fight so easily. 

He turns on the engine and drives Staci home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter sorry!


	3. Chapter 3

This was a mistake. Staci can feel it in his gut. He’s laying on his back, buck naked, legs spread while Jacob has a lubed up finger stretching him open. 

They’ve fucked a ton of times by now, more than Staci can remember. In public bathrooms, Jacobs truck, hell even on the bare ground in the woods.   
But never in Jacobs house. Cottage more like, if Jacobs descriptions where anything to go by. (And how come Jacob is the one who gets to live in a cozy Woodhouse with pelts on the wall and a fireplace and Staci has to live in a shitty trailer when he isn’t even the former criminal mastermind in this scenario?) Staci wouldn’t dare set foot in there, the possibility of Jacob finally finishing him off, in there, like he hinted at all those months Staci was his captive. Yeah not taking any chances. 

And certainly never in Stacis place. The thought of Jacob getting to invade more of his personal space than he already has, is repulsive.

Until now.   
Cus that’s exactly where they are. In Stacis place, on his bed, covered in his cozy sheets and pillows. Jacob’s still wearing his big green sweater, refusing to take it off even if Staci feels extremely vulnerable being the only one fully naked. 

Furthermore Jacob is just staring at his hand, his finger going in and out of Staci and it’s freaking Staci out a little bit. Like he’s never had the time to fully look at how well Staci is taking him in.  
Staci’s regretting letting Jacob in his place, even if it was fucking cold outside and the thought of getting to smother his face into Jacob’s warm body under the sheets, where so appealing. 

Jacob blinks and realizes his staring is kinda weird, only when he notices Stacis cock turning softer does he move his intense eyes to meet Stacis olive ones. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Jacob’s voice is rough in the quiet room as he slips his finger out. Staci can feel his gut clench and burn in that familiar arousing way as his legs spread further by themselves.   
He always did have a soft spot for Jacobs voice. 

Jacob narrows his eyes and leans in over Stacis body to kiss at his face. His cheeks are warm and flushed suddenly, like this is their first time and Staci’s a blushing virgin. There’s something so soft about the moment that Staci has to ruin it. Or else he’ll hate himself for being fooled once again by Jacob Seed. 

Instead of answering he pinches the top of Jacob’s ear, it makes him hiss in surprise and Staci feels a scrape of teeth on his jaw.   
He tugs at it this time, signaling for Jacob to get back to work as he presses a flat palm against the bulge in his pants.   
Jacob hisses again, this time followed by a hum that sounds hungry.   
Fucking finally. 

“Stop staring and get to work” Staci almost growls at him, making more room for Jacob between his legs.

Jacob doesn’t waste any time, forcing two fingers inside Staci, which fucking burns a little but it’s just good enough to make his dick fatten up again.   
No worries though because Jacob’s got his big hand neatly around it, pumping Stacis cock with lazy lubed up strokes, making him clench his hands in the sheets and cover his face with his arm. 

They never do dirty talk anymore.   
It hits too hard on Staci after the amount of curses and names that was spat at him during the Edens Gate times.   
Jacob won’t even praise him, which Staci can tell he wants to.   
He does it with his eyes, like lifts his eyebrows ever so slightly whenever Staci moans around a nice twist on his cock. 

Staci will sometimes breathe a little “jerk” at Jacob when he feels extra good.   
Like he’s blaming him for satisfying him this well.   
When everyone knows Staci should just get it over with and put a knife in his chest.   
He does have a knife in his bedside table just in case. 

Jacob kisses his neck and sucks a little.   
A little too long and Staci pinches his ear again, in warning, and couldn’t he just make Jacob do anything with this new command? 

Jacobs fingers are thick and long and they press inside Staci in just the right way, pressure already building up in his stomach as he breathes out, little bit back moans into his arm. 

Staci whines low in his throat and Jacob knows he’s demanding more.   
He’ll take his pants off but leave the sweater.   
Even if he’s sweating from his temples, the smell of his cologne turning stronger and Staci has to grab that stupid green cozy sweater. 

“Fucking take it off..” he mumbles and Jacob’s eyes turn soft as he looks away in conflict.   
There’s something like self doubt on his face but he removes it, revealing his scarred torso.   
Staci peaks behind his arm and bites his bottom lip. 

Everything seems like it used to in the dark, and he realizes he hasn’t looked at Jacob’s chest since he got fucked in the veteran center. 

His hand comes up slowly to trace at Jacob’s bumps and scars and even if the light isn’t on he can tell something is different after all.   
There are so many that to anyone else it wouldn’t be possible to distinguish, but He’s touched this part of Jacob’s body enough times to know some of these wounds are new. 

And Jacob’s ashamed of it clearly, but it hasn’t stopped him from doing it. Staci traces a few of the new letters before settling on Jacob’s neck.   
He’s grateful that Jacob opened up to him like that, especially since he felt this vulnerable. 

Instead of saying ‘it’s okay’ or ‘don’t do it anymore’ he just guides Jacob’s cock to his hole, letting him know he doesn’t care right now and that he just needs to be fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for ending before the good stuff but I liked how it sounded.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some spicy time!

There’s something different about it, this time. 

Staci can feel it in the tight grasp of Jacobs fingers on his hip.  
In the violent thrusts against his ass as Jacob slams into him. 

He’s on all fours, well mostly, he can’t keep his body up anymore with the harsh treatment he’s getting tonight. His arms have buckled under him and he’s clinging desperately to the sheets as Jacob fucks him. 

Jacob looks a little like a madman. Hair loose and in his eyes, traces of his old self is bleeding through and he’s forcing a big hand down on Stacis head, pressing him further into the mattress.   
It’s not just gripping his hair, it’s on his face, pushing him down and mounting him like a dog, and he feels degraded like back in the veteran center. 

Off course that just gets him off more.   
Cus he’s already fucked up by now. He’s moaning, his cock hard and leaking and he can’t even rub it down against the sheets and get off cus Jacob’s got a firm grip on his hip, keeping his ass up so he can use him.   
The thought of the bruise he’s gonna leave behind makes goosebumps rise on his body. 

He knows he’s fucked but Jacob’s hitting that good spot that sparks pleasure all the way through his body.  
It’s violent and probably really bad for both of their psyche but no ones complaining. 

Jacob’s hand is sneaking down around his throat and Staci’s gasping in anticipation as he’s getting forces up and backwards.   
He’s bend in an uncomfortable way but Jacob’s tightening around his throat and he’s loosing his mind with how good it feels. 

Jacob’s growling in this animalistic way and Staci swears the edges of his vision is turning red, fully expecting the familiar tunes of Only You to play at any moment. 

It’s all so rough and desperate- He’s getting fucked and choked and he’s definitely gonna come like this and hate himself afterwards with how much he loved it.   
“You deserve this” Jacobs voice is hoarse and a little on edge in his ear, like he’s definitely /not okay/ and it’s terrifying to think Staci was dumb enough to fall into his trap again. Willingly going to bed with him and making himself vulnerable like this, to someone with such a bad track record like Jacob Seed. 

He doesn’t have anymore air in his lungs and he’s probably gonna die like this but he doesn’t care at this point, just grasping at the sheets and scratching his short nails against Jacob’s hand on his throat.   
Jacob lets go and Staci can finally breathe, stimulated to the brink and he can’t do anything else but come.

Jacob laughs in his ear and the humiliation is all so familiar all he can do is flop to the mattress and moan as his untouched cock spills all over himself and the sheets. 

Jacob’s still going, thrusting inside of him like a madman, leaving scorching hot bruises wherever he touches.   
Staci can’t keep up anymore but he hears himself whimper and cry out on a few harsh thrusts against his overstimulated prostate. 

He presses a shaky hand against his abdomen as he hears it in the others grunts, how close Jacob is.   
It doesn’t take long for him to follow, and Staci swears he can feel it when he’s coming deep inside of him. 

A few more shaky hard thrusts and Jacob slows down fully and slips free of Staci.   
He can feel Jacobs come trickling out and it makes him whine, he feels vulnerable and ashamed of himself. 

He manages to look up and shudders under Jacobs’s stare, and again when he feels two thick fingers in his ass, pressing come back inside.   
Staci moans weakly and presses his ass back towards Jacob, still greedy for more, even after all they’ve been through. 

Staci’s flawed, he knows that, but he’s too tired to do anything else but enjoy the ride.   
Jacob cleans them up with shaky hands and now when he thinks about it, Jacob’s hands had been shaking all night.   
Jittery and a little harsher than they normally where.   
Now they are trailing over his hip, rubbing at his sore skin where a bruise will form tomorrow, no doubt. 

Staci doesn’t remember when he fell asleep but Jacob’s not in bed when he wakes up.   
He can’t recall if Jacob actually went to bed with him but it’s not likely since the sheets are cold around him.   
He raises his head and peaks through the tousled mob of his hair, moving it away from his face to get used to the darkness in his trailer. 

Jacob’s standing by the window, looking out and gripping the edge with still shaky hands.   
It must be around 4-5 in the morning cus the suns peeking through the clouds.   
He turns around and Staci automatically cowers back and tugs the sheets more around him, when he sees the way Jacobs eyes have turned back to that familiar dead stare. 

Jacob makes no move to come closer, somehow there’s still something in him that realizes he’s not okay.   
“I forgot to take my medicine.”  
Staci wants to run, he’s already sweating in fear at the way Jacobs voice traces around the words in such a specific serial killer kinda way.

All his alarm bells are going off but at the same time, Jacob could have killed him in his sleep.   
And also he was the one who moaned all the way through it last night. 

Staci lays back down and tugs himself into the sheets tightly, protecting himself and hoping this will all go away.   
Jacob doesn’t leave though.   
Doesn’t go home to take his medicine and it scares Staci even more when he feels the bed dip and a big warm body presses against his back. 

He wants to push himself away, put distance between them.   
This is the Jacob that’s unpredictable and has shown time and time again that he will hurt staci. 

If they had been any other couple, Staci would have taken Jacob home to his medicine.   
Or stayed awake with him the rest of the night to make sure he was okay.   
But this was different. Staci’s the one who’s in danger. 

Nothing happens though and when Staci wakes again Jacob is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t forget to take your meds!


	5. Chapter 5

Staci wanted to burn the whole fucking thing down. 

They had been Fucking on pretty much every surface in his trailer. All of it was tainted with Jacobs desperate groans and Stacis come. 

He can’t remember when he started smoking.   
Probably Jacobs bad influence.   
It didn’t exactly make him stressed to be with Jacob. Probably the opposite. But somehow his packs of smokes on the table slowly started to disappear, one cig at a time. 

Staci would turn Jacobs face when he got one out, hold him steady while he looked deep into his eyes and plucked the cigarette from his fingers. 

Jacob would let him. Partially cus he was mesmerized by Stacis green eyes, a sheen of controlled madness lurking within him.   
But mostly because Staci could do whatever the fuck he wanted to Jacob and he would just accept it. 

Sometimes Staci liked to push his buttons. See how far he could go.   
He smoked his cigs and wore his clothes. Stole his lighters and Invaded his space right back. 

Jacob just hummed when Staci inhaled and gave the cigarette back, shaky hands putting it to his own mouth as he stared into space. 

“John’s back in the hospital.”  
Jacobs voice was tired. Like he had been up all night. Which he probably had, Staci wasn’t there, they only met up for lunch and fucked in his trailer just now. 

“Good.”  
Staci answers calmly. Like he’s not ashamed to tell Jacob the truth. 

John’s been on Jacob constantly, calling him up all hours of the day and night, sounding manic. Off. 

John belongs in a mental hospital, for the rest of his life if it was up to Staci. The level of validation and attention he needs is too much for his brothers, especially since they are both suffering themselves. 

Jacob lays back down on the bed and Staci pushes his face to his big arm.   
The muscles have turned soft on Jacob’s arm, there’s still some raw energy underneath it all but his medicine has made him thicker all around.   
Staci likes it, makes his mouth water just thinking about how much bigger Jacob is.   
How he can hold all the way around him and swallow him up. 

Smoke envelopes them as Jacob exhales, fiddles with his fingers.   
Staci can tell he wants to touch him, hold him probably.   
Would be nice, really.   
But Stacis not sure he wants Jacob to feel nice right now. 

“Gonna visit him tomorrow...”  
He says before finishing his cigarette and putting it out on the window panel.   
Staci takes pity on him after all -Like always- and moves Jacob’s arm around himself, pressing closer to his warm torso and letting him curl around him. 

———

It’s been two weeks and Jacob looks more and more exhausted with every visit to the hospital.   
One day Staci tells him he should just stay there next time.   
It makes Jacob smile in that dangerous way where his mouth turns dopey half smirk but his eyes promise chaos. 

Staci would never visit John himself. Even if he’s supposedly better now, John still gives him the creeps. 

Which is fucking ironic considering he’s sleeping with the literal devil himself. 

They are in the park eating this time, away from the towns folks who stare. 

To begin with the people only stared at Staci with sympathy.   
The scars on his face where enough but then he started drinking and looked even worse. 

Now they stare because he looks better. It’s unusual that his hair is this clean and he actually takes care of his appearance. 

Jacob got them Thai food, little white boxes of rice and noodles and whatever he felt like.   
There’s three boxes but Staci knows two of them is not for him. 

“Oh I almost forgot.” Staci brings out the matches he bought while he sucks on the straw from his coke.   
He slides them over the little table but Jacob just makes a face as he eats. 

“Don’t need them, bought a new lighter.”  
Staci shrugs and keeps on eating.   
Most of their every day dialog is like this.   
No real deeper meaning or longer conversations. They enjoy the silence and the fact that they can communicate with as little words as possible. 

Staci honestly doesn’t like to speak much anymore.   
If he can help it he will stay quiet most of the time.   
Sometimes when he sees pastor Jerome he’ll get a few extra syllables out but they all know his vocal chords are pretty fried after all the screaming and torture. 

He doesn’t like the way he sounds anymore either. It’s like it’s another person speaking. Jacob speaking.   
Which freaks him out. 

Once they pack up and leave Staci notices the matches and puts them in his jacket again.  
Would be a waste otherwise. Not that he’s gonna buy cigarettes himself but you never know when you’re gonna need matches. 

——-

“I’m leaving to the Whitetails.”

Stacis blood turns cold and his insides are burning at the same time.   
He knows he should run, or scream or do something, the fear of Jacob kidnapping him again is roaring in the back of his head. 

The worse part is that /Jacob is leaving/ and that’s probably what’s making him more panicked.   
He only just got his security blanket back and now it’s getting ripped from him again. 

“People are complaining.. and.. Joe thinks it’s best for everyone.. if we left.”

Jacob sounds contend. Like he had accepted this decision some time ago and maybe Staci would have seen the signs if he had looked for them. 

John. John going to the hospital? Was that a sign? Maybe. 

He wants to asks if that’s any good for John.   
That he’s in the hospital for a reason. But if he had to be honest it’s only out of curiosity, he doesn’t really care enough for his wellbeing. 

Jacob’s scratching at his ginger locks, his hair has turned longer now. Not as long as Stacis but it’s no way near the buzzed sides it was before.   
He looks tired and old and his button up shirt is almost bursting at the seams and buttons with how much weight he’s gained and Staci- stupid fucking Staci- wants nothing else than to hug his big mountain plaid wearing boyfriend.

“I think you should stay.”

And there it was. Jacob really was ditching him. Even after Staci let him all the way inside his mind and soul again. Which he certainly didn’t deserve. 

Staci’s quiet, as always. He could say a million things.   
Like how Jacob’s a coward for letting Joe make the decisions again. Like that’s any different than Edens Gate Bull Shit.   
Or like how Jacob should be fucking suffering in the deepest pit of hell for breaking Stacis heart again.   
Or even just about how fucking happy he is that Jacob’s finally listening to everyone in the village for once.   
He doesn’t say any of it because he knows it won’t change a thing. 

Jacob’s right but it still hurts.   
They stand in silence and Staci doesn’t know what he expects, maybe a goodbye kiss or something to remember Jacob by, but if he can’t even fight for him to stay with his words then he knows it’s only gonna make it worse. 

They never deserved a happy ending. 

Jacob steps closer with his arm raised like he’s gonna touch Stacis face but Staci flinches and Jacob stops himself.   
He still has this effect on Staci and yeah that’s proof enough that Jacob leaving is for the best. 

It starts raining and Staci snorts as he watches Jacob walk away in the mud with his heavy boots.

How ironic.

———

The pointed edge of the matchbox in his pocket is turning him back to reality.   
It’s no good dwelling in the past. 

The air smells of gasoline when Staci breathes in and sniffles, rubs his eyes with his free hand. 

He’s been ugly crying for a bit. Big heavy sobs and whimpers as he sat on his kitchen floor and felt sorry for himself. 

Jacob’s only been gone for a week but the hole in his chest reminds him every day.   
He didn’t know he would have this big of an impact on him, otherwise he wouldn’t have taken that stupid fucking lasagna those many months ago.   
Back then he thought it was just a bit of harmless curiosity. 

Now he’s standing outside in the fresh morning air, running his finger over the matches. 

The praying stopped a while ago as well.  
It took him back to the chaos of Edens Gate where he would starve and cry and pray and nothing else. 

There’s nothing else to pray about anymore.   
For his mom to look over him.   
For his life to turn around for the better.   
For the aching in his chest to fucking stop. 

None of that’s gonna happen anyways and Staci lights up the last cigarette in the crumpled pack he found on his desk along with some other shit Jacob left behind. 

Jacob left way too many things behind.   
Cigarettes. Hair on his brush. Socks. Staci. 

He feels like an over dramatic teenager but there’s no doubt in his mind anymore. 

He sniffles one more time as he throws the match onto the trailer, watching it slowly turn from a little flame into a hellfire. 

The flames warm his face as he steps closer to his burning home, taunting it to take him with it. 

Would be easy too, just get it over with.   
It’s not like anyone would care. 

He touches the necklace carefully, then clutches it in his hand.  
His mother would be disappointed in him.   
She didn’t raise no fool. 

He feels a little bit more deserving of wearing it now.   
Less guilty now that he isn’t sleeping with the man who caused him so much hurt and chaos. Twice now. 

It’s the only thing that’s probably of value to him anymore.  
His whole entire home is burning away and he doesn’t care.   
He’s crying but that’s not because of loosing all he owns. 

It’s not because of Jacob either.   
It can’t be. He won’t let Jacob take more from him. 

So he starts walking. Not sure where to, just straight into the opposite direction before the cops come and look at him with more pity. 

He has no home. No friends. No place to be. No Jacob.   
But all of that is /because/ of Jacob. 

Well.. he’s got one friend. But he hasn’t thought of him in a long time. 

It’s worth a shot. 

Rook always knows what to do, It seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last I’ve written of this story back when I wrote it at the beginning of the year. If there’s ppl who would like this to continue/end let me know I might write more!


	6. Chapter 6

Rook isn’t in Holland Valley anymore. And with good reason. John scared him away for good. So Staci looks for him in the second most common place he could be in. Moonflower trailer park. And Lo and behold there he is, shooting down bottles with his two partners in crime, Sharky and Hurk. 

Rook looks just how Staci remembers; like he hasn’t slept in 3 days, smoked three packs of cigarettes and still up beat enough to win a fight. His hair is unruly and grown out of its buzz cut, which reminds Staci of Jacob annoyingly enough. 

They don’t stop shooting when he walks close and Staci is forced to see Sharky yell in triumph as they all shoot at the bottles in a mess of a shot at the same time. 

“I got that one! Did you see that??” Sharky exclaims with a fist in the air in celebration. “I’m pretty sure that was Rook though-“ Hurk chimes in as he walks over to the bottles and cans and puts some new ones up. 

Staci manages to get their attention and they put their weapons away, Rook even tugs him in for a hefty long hug. 

“Long time no see pal!” Hurk starts but Sharky interrupts him with a “you look like shit!” And Staci just smiles, knows he’s seen better days. Sharky gets an elbow in the side from Hurk as they invite him inside. 

They hang out for a couple of hours in Rooks cabin near by the trailer park. Rook got them Take Away. Now that he’s a local hero he can get almost anything delivered out there and the cabin is nice and spacious enough for all four of them. Rook sits on the couch with Sharky and Hurk and Staci sits in the arm chair. 

It’s mostly Sharky and Hurk who talk, Rook is mostly silent even if he seems to be enjoying the company. Staci talks about setting fire to his trailer and gets a pleased response from Sharky who would have loved to help him out if he needed it. Staci laughs at the obvious delight in Sharkys eyes and shakes his head as he eats the rest of his noodles. 

Some trash tv is on and Staci almost feels normal again, hanging out with friends and eating junk. He needed that. After all that’s happened with Jacob. He hasn’t asked Rook for advice yet. Doesn’t feel right in front of Sharky and Hurk. 

But at one point Rook goes out to smoke and Staci follows. He looks for the matches in his pocket to light up Rooks cigarette but remembers he trashed them. Couldn’t bear to think about Jacob anymore. 

“You know what happened to John right?” He opens with something else, to distract himself from the pain in his chest. 

Rook nods and lights his cigarette, takes a drag and stares out into the night, eyes shining with the remnants of a fight still. Like he’s ready any second to pick up a gun and fight for his town. 

“He was in the hospital for a while but they took him out. The brothers.” Staci says, eyes following Rooks to gauge a reaction from him. He doesn’t flinch like Staci is expecting, Isn’t even as terrified of the fact his stalker is out again. Free. 

“I..” he starts but closes his mouth again. He wants to confess. To tell Rook everything but it’s so hard. Rook offers him a cigarette and he takes it, lights it up and looks to the sky so he doesn’t have to see his friends judging eyes. 

“I had a thing with Jacob. He came to Falls End and I fell right into his trap. But now he’s gone again and it kills me inside.” He sneaks a glance at Rook to see if he’s shocked but his friend is still smoking calmly. 

“Went to the Whitetails again.. with his brothers. Left me behind..” he runs a hand over his face and rubs it in like he’s trying to scratch away the pain he feels. How stupid he feels for even saying such ridiculous things. ‘Left behind’ like Jacob even cares about him. 

Rook sucks another drag in and looks at Staci with worried eyes. Like he’s gonna do something stupid like run after Jacob. 

Rook knows him too well. 

“What if you come with me?” Staci says pleadingly, like he’s got no more ideas left and he just needs Rook to help him out this once. Rook gives a small smile but it’s a clear let down. He takes out his small deputy hand gun from the back of his holster and hands it over to Staci silently saying ‘for protection’. It’s no machine gun like how they used to fight with but it’s making Staci more calm already. He hasn’t shot anyone since back in Edens Gate and he’s not sure he can now, but if the time comes he might have to shoot Jacob. 

They finish up their cigarettes in silence and then go back inside to the others. Sharky has somehow managed to spill over two beers and his left over noodles onto the sofa and Hurk is trying to clean it. 

Staci can’t help the little laugh bubbling up from his chest at how ridiculous this all is. Once they get it all cleaned up Stacis eyelids are heavy and he’s got a pleasant buzz in his body from the beer. 

It’s only half an hour later and Sharky is asleep on Hurks shoulder. Rook takes Stacis hand and guides him up from the chair and upstairs into a bedroom. He helps him take off his sweatshirt and pants and puts him into the double bed, under the blanket. 

Rook goes downstairs to bid Sharky and Hurk goodbye and Staci hears them leave from the window in the room, chatting about a skunk Sharky almost fell into cus he was so tired.  
Staci turns to Rooks side as soon as he gets in the bed next to him. 

They lay there for a bit not saying anything until Staci can’t keep it in anymore. 

“I’m afraid he won’t ever leave me alone Simon.. he’s like a ghost- haunting me.” Staci whispers in the silent room. Rook slides his hand forward and places it on Stacis, holding his hand gently whispering back “it’s not _him_ anymore. He can’t hurt you.”

Rooks words calm him as he finally lets his heavy eyes rest and go to sleep for the night. 

———

Rook lives in Faiths old territory now, the Henbane River. With all the bliss flowers gone they planted new pretty ones instead and the area has never looked better. 

Holland Valley was Rooks home but John was obsessed with him. Which is why they had him hospitalized in the end. He would radio Rook for hours, talking to him about everything between heaven and earth. And Rook wasn’t even on the line anymore. 

Staci leaves the next morning with dread in his stomach about what he’s gonna do. He has to go see Jacob though right? He wishes so deeply Rook would go with him but it’s not good for him. John would get triggered probably. 

So on he goes, alone. 

————

The first one to come out and greet him is John. He’s looking frumpy and almost human with a bathrobe, a T-shirt and joggers. It’s humbling really. To see him this normal. He’s still gained a lot of weight from his hospitalization but it suits him, he owns it in a way only John Seed can. 

Off course there’s still an air of drama over him when he smiles and says “well well well. Look what the cat dragged in.” 

Staci ignores him and walks up onto the big concrete stairs. It’s not the veteran center it’s a big house further into the mountains. Staci only found it cus he followed a truck going up there. 

“Jacob your little soldier has come home.” John says and Staci goes livid. Grabs Johns arm with such rage that he can tell John’s in pain. “Don’t call me that!” He says through gritted teeth, looking into Johns eyes. He sees the fire there still, layered underneath all that medicine he’s been drugged with to stay this docile. “Alright alright.” He mutters, hand going limp in Stacis grip. 

Staci lets go of Johns arm and walks further up the stairs until He stops in his tracks. Jacob has come out, arms crossed over his chest, looking less fragile than the last time Staci saw him. More like his usual self and Staci touches the gun in his back holster on instinct. 

“You shouldn’t have come here.” And isn’t that just the number one thing Staci wanted to hear from his ex boyfriend. Can he even call him that? It doesn’t matter what they were, he’s here now and Jacob is telling him to leave already. 

Staci hears John snigger behind him and feels the shame burn in his cheeks. Jacob seems like he’s not sure he’s said the right thing, like he’s not convinced in his own words and that gives Staci room to butt in with a “I came all this way, you could at least let me in.” 

Jacob still got his arms crossed but he’s worrying his lip in such a sign of weakness Staci knows he’s not off his meds just yet. Not irrational and stormy like he was that one night. He’s still got his tired eyes. John must be a handful. As always. Staci doesn’t feel pity for him. But he does feel homesick for a night wrapped in Jacobs warm arms. 

Jacob looks like he wants to counter Stacis words and Staci isn’t sure if it’s because he doesn’t want to look weak in front of his little brother but it’s not working. He gets a nod from Jacob and hears John snort behind him before moving past him and inside. Staci follows Jacob inside as well and is treated to that familiar Seed smell of gunpowder and Josephs incense. 

Speaking of Joseph he’s nowhere to be seen and Jacob picks up on Stacis hunched shoulders. “Joe is upstairs laying down. He needs his rest.” He says and Staci counts himself lucky. Dealing with the youngest Seed is hell in itself. 

They sit down in the sofa while John starts to make himself a drink. A loud smoothie by the sounds of it, he’s probably trying to annoy them. 

“It’s not what you think. I didn’t come here to ask you to come back.” Staci starts, fingers fiddling with his hoodie sleeves. but he’s unsure. What did he come to do anyways. Rook had said Jacob couldn’t hurt him no more and he’s right. Not in this state. 

“Why did you come here then? Besides looking like you’re about to shoot me at any second with that gun of yours.” Jacob smirks and leans back in the sofa with his arms stretched out on the sofas backrest. 

Staci hadn't thought he was being that nervous looking and he looks down in shame again. “It’s for protection.. mostly..” he looks over to John who’s sitting on a bar stool slurping his smoothie like a child. Could he be more unwanted in this setting? John smiles and Staci doubts it. 

“Do you wanna stay then? Is that it?” Jacob tries. Sounds more genuine but still hella nervous. It’s like he’s asking Staci to move in with him. In this mad house. And Staci is considering it. He must be more crazy than he thinks. Living with the Seeds. 

“I burned my trailer down.” He blurts out in panic and hears John laugh off to the side, Still loving the chaos. 

“So you can stay here then. It’s no problem. John will behave.” Jacob says, sounding hopeful and Staci should just turn him down. Crush his dreams but he’s so curious. Living with Jacob. In a none violent setting. 

He’ll never be over the tyranny and torture he endured in the months during Jacobs brainwashing but this is different. This is sweet and innocent and not at all a disaster waiting to happen. 

Staci looks to John to make sure and sure enough John smiles innocently, running a hand over his heart in a silent promise, then going back to his smoothie silently. 

“Alright..” comes the insecure words out of Stacis mouth. He’s pretty sure he just signed his death certificate. 

“But I keep the gun.” He reassures himself.


	7. Chapter 7

Staci stays in Jacobs room for dinner. Jacob brings him some food on a plate, rice with some eggs and vegetables. Something Jacob probably made. Staci imagines he’s the oldest he must be taking care of the flock. 

He can’t bare thinking about dining with the other brothers at this state. Not when he feels like he could shoot anything that moves. It’s like the tables have turned. He feels so insecure and small again being under Jacobs roof. 

Maybe it was a bad idea coming here after all. 

He hears John and Joseph speak downstairs while they eat and Jacob grunts sometimes. It must be nice for them to all be together. John’s laughing. So everything seems like it’s back to normal. 

Staci falls asleep on Jacobs bed. He’s been traveling for hours to find this place and he’s exhausted from so many nights of bad sleep before finding Jacob. 

When Jacob comes in he lifts Staci so he can put the blanket properly on top of him, takes his clothes off except for his boxers and undershirt and gets into bed with Staci. 

Staci’s half awake but yearning for some comfort so he instantly latches onto Jacobs broad warm chest. Jacobs body temperature always runs high after he started taking medicine. Staci takes advantage of that and falls asleep in Jacobs arms. 

———

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is the sound of birds outside chirping. The second is the hammering of a beating heart underneath his ears. Then the rock solid form of his dick pressing up against Jacobs hip. He groans and rubs his eyes as Jacob starts to stir underneath him. 

Jacob is silent as he moves his hand down to caress at Stacis hip, slowly moving his hand down to the front of Stacis pants, pressing against his hard on. 

Staci doesn’t say anything either, just bites his lip as he looks upwards towards Jacob with a plea. 

Jacob looks at him like he’s got his back and starts sliding his hand down Stacis underwear and around his hard prick. It makes him gasp in the quiet morning and wiggle a little in Jacobs grasp. 

It doesn’t take long for him to be stimulated enough to come. He’s been so anxious these past days. He’s also been traveling and finding no time for himself to get off. Jacob jerks him off to completion and really wrings it out of him as he moans softly against his boyfriends chest, Seed dribbling down over Jacobs hand. 

He’s bucking up into the touch and clenching his eyes as he holds onto Jacobs broad body so he doesn’t get too lost in the moment. 

Jacob is hard against him and staci wants to pay back but he’s too tired. Jacob reads the mood and just takes his hand to cover Stacis and down in his own boxers. 

He uses Stacis hand to jerk himself off with, leading the way as he moves both their hands on his dick till he shudders and comes too. They’ve both been on edge it seems and Staci had gone two weeks without Jacobs touch. One week looking for Rook and one looking for Jacob. Eventually he had found one of the faithful followers truck driving up to the Seeds new house. 

Jacob sits up on the edge of the bed and runs his clean hand through his hair. He undresses Staci and puts the gun on the night stand before going to take a shower. Staci stays in bed for as long as he can get away with. Falling asleep again a bit until Jacob wakes him up an hour later with breakfast. He’s still too much of a coward to come down to eat. 

——-

Jacob is less fragile in this setting. With his brothers around him and where he feels safe in his own home. He looks less shifty and like he could start crying at any minute. In this environment he looks strong again. Like his old self a little. And that scares Staci. 

Jacob explains he doesn’t go out so much anymore though which Staci takes as a setback for him. He used to be an outdoorsy type, thriving in the woods. 

Now he gets anxious in the woods, afraid of the trees or something, he says. Staci doesn’t fully understand but he gets not wanting to be outside. Staci would rather be inside too. 

So they stay cuddled up on the sofa watching tv almost like a normal couple. John doesn’t come down, he’s inside his room doing whatever suspicious things he does. He doesn’t see Joseph either. It’s just the two of them. 

At one point another follower knocks on the door and John takes the bags of food from him. Rice and milk and eggs and whatever else they need. 

When he comes back to the sofa Jacob is shaking a bit, seems insecure again. 

Jacob notices the look in Stacis eyes and makes an in distinct noise.   
“Don’t like that guy. He’s a snitch.” He says, voice gravely with mistrust. 

“Did he tell on you once?” Staci tries to get him to elaborate but Jacob just shakes his head and says “not yet.” And goes back to watching TV. Well the paranoia is still there that’s for sure. Isolation and paranoia, not a good bundle in a house far far away from civilization. Staci is so fucked. 

———-

Staci knows something is wrong. The door to his room is open and he walks in slowly to John snooping around in his things. Classic weasel behavior but what makes Staci freeze is seeing John with his deputy gun. 

“John. Give me the gun.” He says, now standing fully in the room. 

“This isn’t yours.” John answers, sweat already glistening at his temples. Who knows how long he’s been holding that thing in his hands. 

“This belongs to him. This is Rooks.” He says with a curved smile. Pleased with himself for knowing. 

Staci walks towards John and grabs for the gun but John retracts his arm and a fight breaks loose. He gets an elbow to the face as he tries to grab for the gun again, cries out in pain as they tackle each other. All while John is yelling “it’s mine!!”.

John isn’t aiming the gun at Staci how he thought he would he’s aiming it at himself and the panic in Staci rises knowing he could be the reason Jacobs dearest little brother kills himself. 

John’s pushing over a lamp and some books as they fight for the dangerous weapon and soon enough Jacob runs in hearing the noise. “What’s going on? John?” He says panic laced in his voice as he manages to grab the gun from Johns grasp and toss it across the floor, holding John from behind him so he’ll stop trying to claw Stacis eyes out. 

“It’s mine!” John keeps yelling as he writhes in Jacobs grip, but he’s not going anywhere and Staci is sitting down on the bed to catch his breath and hold his bruised cheek. 

“Go get his pills please.” Jacob says, still sounding rattled as Staci gets up, ready to leave. “Top drawer in his bedside table. Get a glass of water too.” And Staci is out the door quickly, finding the pills and getting the glass on Johns table too, filling it with water from the bathroom sink. 

When he comes back inside his room John is sitting on the bed, hand holding his forehead and shaking like a leaf, breathing hurriedly like he’s about to drown. His other hand is on his chest, probably trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. 

Staci isn’t feeling sorry for him even if he looks terribly ill like this. Not after what he did to Rook. Rook, who’s name he’s saying under his breath like a mantra. Until Jacob helps him swallow the pill and drink the water. 

“Go down and get some ice on that.” Jacob says sounding more calm now. He’s sitting on his knees on the floor, holding Johns hands in his lap. It seems to work in calming John but this moment isn’t for Staci. It’s for the brothers only and so he leaves. Down to the kitchen to fetch some ice for his swollen face. 

———-

Staci goes down to get some ice on his cheek, roams around in the freezer for some peas which he puts in a towel. There’s an ice lolly too, -probably Johns- which he picks out and opens to soothe himself. 

“John can be a handful.” 

Staci almost visibly jumps. Hadn’t noticed Joseph was in the living room across the kitchen with him, standing suddenly behind him. 

Joseph is looking weirdly like himself. No glasses though. Which is a good sign. 

Staci just nods and waits for his heart to stop hammering out of his chest. 

He hates Joseph with all his being. This is all his fault. Hates Jacob too but that’s for another day. 

“Lucky Jacob was there.” He says with his eerie eyes, just boring into Staci. 

“What?” Staci says, his ice lolly forgotten, melting down his fingers. 

“Jacob always saves the day” Staci gets the feeling Joseph is playing with him. Like an animal plays with its food before mauling it. 

“Yeah...” Staci answers and throws the lolly away before running upstairs again for safety with his cold pack pressed against his cheek. He hides out on the balcony for a while until the storm has cleared. He’s got the heeby jeebies after talking to Joseph. 

———

It’s the next night that Staci feels the aftermath of Johns outburst. 

He wakes up to Jacobs body being damp with sweat. Jacob is tossing and turning, sitting up suddenly and taking his wet shirt off and throwing it away from the bed. 

“Jacob? Are you okay?” But Jacob isn’t awake he’s still somewhat asleep. Fingers tight into a fist, looking dangerous. 

Staci is kinda scared if he’s being honest. This is old violent Jacob again. He’s having some kind of anxiety attack. 

“Jacob go back to sleep.” Staci tries, puts a hand gently on Jacobs shoulder and pushes him backwards to lay down. He goes willingly enough and looks less anxious. 

They go back to sleep, Staci keeping a hand on Jacobs chest to calm his beating heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoy writing John :> hope somebody likes this!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Self-harm in this chapter!! It’s canon compliant but I still thought I would put a disclaimer since it’s pretty sensitive stuff.

Oddly enough Staci gets used to staying with the Seeds. 

John goes back to behaving like his normal self, annoying the hell out of him but not getting any crazy outburst like last time.

Jacob is cuddled up around him on the sofa, they’re watching some nature documentary when Staci feels Jacobs hands going to his face. 

“What are you doing?” He asks but Jacob just grunts and sits up, fingers touching his closed eyelids. 

Staci touches Jacobs face softly as the blanket falls from his chest. Jacob doesn’t push him away and Staci takes that as a win. 

“My eyes.. it’s just.. a side effect..” he grumbles and opens his eyes again, eyes moving about from side to side. “I can’t focus.” He sounds a little panicked but like it’s not the first time and Staci feels for him. For the first time in a long time he feels sorry for this man.

The eyes are so important, his vision is so important and to have that potentially tempered with, it’s dangerous. 

“Can I do something?” Staci says, feeling helpless. Jacob just grunts and gets up.

“I need to go to bed.” He answers and walks upstairs with a hand on the wall, trying to find his way up to his bed. Staci helps him, hand on his back, finding his pills and some water and putting him to bed. 

Afterwards he goes down to the living room again to fix something small to eat. His stomach is rumbling. 

Joseph is there suddenly, giving Staci a shock as he sits in the armchair by the tv. 

Staci ignores him. 

Until he comes up behind him, scaring him again. “John said you spoke with Rook.” And off course this is about Rook. As if one Seed brother being obsessed isn’t enough.

Staci butters up his toast as he tries to avoid looking directly at Joseph. 

“I did.” He answers simply. Doesn’t want to elaborate. Doesn’t want to contribute to their madness. 

“How was he?” Joseph says, eerie, standing so still. 

“Good.” Staci says, again, avoiding the chaos in Joseph’s eyes. 

“Where is he?” Joseph asks and Staci just snorts and takes his plate upstairs to sit on the balcony, his new safe space, eating in peace. 

———-

Jacob wants to go hunting. They really don’t need to, a faithful will come with all they need once in a while. But Jacob is stubborn. He wants to prove that he can do everything he used to before going on medicine. 

They walk in the rain for about half an hour before they make camp at an outpost. Staci has a riffle and Rooks gun in his jeans, feeling properly protected. He had felt on edge when Jacob suggested this. A hunt. It Reminded him too much of old times. 

Jacob would take him on a leash out into the mud, meat strapped to his legs and let him run while the wolves ran after him. 

And yet Staci is still here, willingly, holding Jacobs map and other supplies. Jacob doesn’t seem to remember the last time they were in this situation, he doesn’t say anything about it. Doesn’t say much about anything. 

“Do you want the bait?” Staci says softly, trying not to stir too much trouble with Jacobs silent form. Jacob shakes his head and puts his binoculars away. 

“There.” He points to the group of caribou down further up the hill. They’re peaceful, eating the grass and Staci feels a lump in his chest with the thought of killing. This was a bad idea. 

He’s sitting down on the ground suddenly, clutching his chest, breathing hurriedly. Jacob doesn’t notice at first but when he does he sits down next to Staci with a hand on his shoulder. 

Staci feels more claustrophobic and hates that Jacob is supposed to calm him down but his touch is just provoking his panic attack further. 

“Breathe. We’re not hunting you. We’re hunting the caribou.” Jacob says, voice eerie calm. This is his safe space. This is where he’s comfortable. Hunting in the woods. 

Even after all the talk about not trusting the trees Jacob seems to be thriving out here and Staci is a fool for coming here with the man who caused him so much pain and misery. He’s self-destructive that’s for sure. 

Staci calms down eventually, clutching the riffle still as he gets up and pretends like nothing has happened. This is his life now. Move on. Don’t show weakness. 

Jacob nods. He’s proud of him and that makes Staci happy. 

Jacob shoots the caribou straight through the eye and they walk towards it in silence.

———-

“We’re not in love. This isn’t love.” Staci says to Rook over the phone. He managed to borrow their landline once everyone had gone to bed. John usually used the phone a lot to call to who knows who, about important things he says. Stuff Staci wouldn’t understand. Staci thinks he’s right. He doesn’t understand John. Not at all. 

Rook doesn’t say anything but Staci hears him reload his gun. 

“What if you came up here?” He knows it’s a bad idea. John would loose it. Joseph would probably hurt him if John hadn’t completely wrecked him first. 

“If you want.” Rook says and Staci feels a stab in his chest. He shouldn’t put his friend in danger like that. It’s not Rooks fault that Staci is an idiot. 

“No.. stay.. it’s chaos up here..” he confesses with a sigh. He feels dumb for confessing to Rook like that. It was out of the blue too. Why did he even call in the first place. 

Cus he misses Rook. Like everyone else in this household. 

“Goodnight Staci.” Rook says and Staci hums back a “night” before hanging up. 

——-

John forgot to lock the door. Or maybe he wanted Staci to walk in on him cutting ‘Rook’ into his stomach in the bathroom. 

It disturbs Staci immensely. Runs to Jacob to bury his face into his warm chest. Jacob holds him and Staci doesn’t rat John out. 

He never thought about self harm before. Watching John do it made him sick. He might not rat John out but he does suggest Jacob that a doctor come talk to John. Jacob nods and calls for a house visit. 

Whoever is dumb enough to think they can change the Seeds comes up there and talks to John but Staci knows he won’t change. The brothers have been carving themselves up for years. Staci recognizes their scars. John hides it under his shirt and the doctor leaves, John a few pills richer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John is a mess but I love him!

What John did stays with Staci for a couple of days. He knows Jacob used to do it too. Hurt himself. But somehow it feels more real to see it up close like that. 

He clings to Jacob a bit in the coming days. Jacob notices but let’s him. Caresses his hair when they sit on the sofa and watch Netflix and Staci is hugging him close. 

Staci makes sure to look through the keyhole before going into the bathroom. Or knocks to make sure. He doesn’t want a repeat performance. He doesn’t want John to have the satisfaction of seeing him rattled. 

——-

It’s the loud crash of a cup splintering into pieces that makes Staci look up. Joseph is calmly looking out the window, just staring. 

Jacob is the one to get up and quickly run upstairs before Staci even knows what’s going on. When he comes down again he starts hearing the banging on the door upstairs. Johns desperate yells. 

“He’s here.” Joseph says as Jacob comes to the front door to greet whoever is coming. 

And Staci should have seen it coming but off course Jacob had to lock John in his room, cus it’s Rook at the door. Jacob trusts Joseph a bit more apparently and so far he hasn’t done anything irrational like attack Rook with the shards from the cup. 

“Rook.” Jacob says as Rook stands there all casual with his riffle on his back and a wave. Staci walks out and hugs him and whispers “you’re insane” but is so relieved that he’s not alone. 

Johns yelling up a storm upstairs but everyone’s ignoring him. Joseph is standing in the door way waiting his turn. It’s awkward. They don’t hug, Joseph just leans forward with his hand and Rook just takes it and lightly nods. 

Jacob gets a nod too and they invite him in like it’s totally normal. Rook is the calmest person Staci has ever met. He’s a little jittery sure but he doesn’t start shooting the minute he gets inside their trap of a house. 

“Hungry?” Jacob asks like he didn’t try and kill Rook a million times with his little music box. Which Staci luckily hasn’t seen since he came back. 

Rook shrugs and Jacob starts to bring out some fruit and cookies and Staci can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

Rook sits next to Staci on the sofa and leans back like it’s all normal. He put the riffle by the door like he was respecting their ceasefire. 

Rook is as crazy as him. Coming here for Stacis sake. Staci starts talking like they aren’t in the enemy’s home, like Johns scratching on the wood door isn’t clearly heard over his questions. 

They all know eventually they’ll have to deal with John but for now they’ll let him suffer upstairs. 

“How was the trip up? Did you come by car?” Rook nods and eats a cookie as Jacob sits down. Joseph is still standing, like he’s nervous, by the edge of the chair Jacob is sitting in. Like he’s seeking comfort in Jacobs strength. 

Jacob is the only normal Seed at the moment, sitting calmly and not starring wildly at Rook like an animal thirsting for blood. That’s how Staci had visioned it to happen at least. 

Luckily it all seems to go well. Rook explains he never was good at listening to everyone’s advice and decided to go straight here after Staci had called. took him a couple of days to find the place. Rook was always good at sniffing out a good hiding spot. 

After an hour the banging has stopped upstairs and Rook nods at Jacob to go get John. 

When he finally makes it down the stairs his face is all red. Not because he’s been crying but because he has been hitting at his own face in pure frustration. 

He has a dumb smirk on his face and Staci stands up to guard Rook but Jacob shows he’s in charge by putting a big hand on Johns shoulder, holding him back. 

“Rook.” John says with a breathless voice. Like all that therapy hasn’t helped him at all. 

Rook stands and walks past Staci to stand face to face with John who looks up at him with intense eyes. Johns clammy hand speeds out to hold Rooks wrist and nobody stops him. Not even Rook who could clearly snap his hand away. 

Jacobs hand on Johns shoulder presses down but he doesn’t let go. 

Eventually Rook takes his hand and pries it off his wrist but he doesn’t let go of it. He holds it. Gently. 

John looks up at him with confused eyes. It’s clear he’s shocked that Rook would hold his hand after all the pain he made him go through. After tattooing ‘wrath’ on his chest. 

“You really hurt me.” Rook says and Johns starting to breathe hurriedly. Jacob looks at Staci and he walks upstairs to get Johns pills. He sneaks a glance into Johns room and can tell the whole room is trashed. 

He makes it downstairs with Johns pills and a cup of water and they’re still just staring at each other. He puffs to John and Rook lets go of him so he can take his pills. 

John looks away as he takes his pills. Like he’s embarrassed for once but Rook doesn’t shame him for it. Just goes back to the sofa. 

It feels like the tension in the room has died down and John makes it to the armchair where Jacob was sitting in earlier, legs up on it and feeling more calm and comfortable. 

Jacob is the one doing most of the talking, oddly enough. Staci too cause Rook doesn’t say much. Neither does Joseph or John. It’s comfortable though, no yelling or trashing. 

Everything seems to be alright until Staci notices John scrunching his face. He’s narrowing his eyes and leaning forward from his comfortable curled up position. 

Before anyone manages to stop him, John is up and at it again. Fists curled and standing staring down at Rook. 

“What have you done??” He yells as Jacob comes up behind him in case it goes south again. 

Which it does pretty quickly. John launches at Rook and grabs at his shirt, ripping it open before Rook can do anything. Rook quickly has his hands on John wrists and tries to wrench them away as Jacob comes to his rescue. 

They manage to dislodge Johns grip as he yells “what have you done to my mark??” Miserably. 

Staci comes to Rook side too, hands caressing his arms as he looks down at Rooks chest to see what John is so frantic about. 

There on his chest is no longer the crooked letters of ‘Wrath’ but a beautiful array of roses in between the new letters of ‘hope’. It’s so cliche but so Rook it makes Staci smile. 

“If you can’t play nice you can’t play at all” Jacob says as he hauls John upstairs to his room to lock him in. 

Rooks shirt is broken so he can’t button it up but it doesn’t matter, the red plaid shirt suits him like that. Everything looks good on Rook, he’s got one of those bodies. 

Everything seems to calm down again after that. John is quiet in his room and Joseph still hasn’t said anything. It’s strange to see the Seeds like this, so many emotions on Joseph’s face it’s like he can’t decide how he wants to react to Rook. Luckily he’s reacting nicer than John. 

Maybe his therapy has worked better. Maybe Johns hasn’t worked at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone still reading this? Haha


	10. Chapter 10

Jacob offers Rook a cigarette and they go outside in peace to smoke it. 

Once they’re out there it gets quiet. Staci can’t help but sneak over to the kitchen window where Joseph had dropped his cup earlier to listen in on their conversation. 

Conversation is a big word because so far it’s mostly just Jacob grunting short words and Rook nodding along. 

Until something interesting happens. 

“I’ve been to therapy you know.. and I’ve.. learned from it. And I wanna say..” he hesitates as he drags in his cigarette and puffs out some smoke. 

“I wanna say I’m sorry. I apologize. For everything. I’ve changed. I really have.” He sounds nervous. Like he’s been practicing this and maybe he has. Has just been waiting to meet Rook again so he could get it off his chest. 

Staci can’t see what Jacob looks like right now but he imagines he’s vulnerable and nervous. It’s brave of him to apologize. Especially since Rook doesn’t have to accept it. 

“Just.. don’t fuck it up with Staci.” Is all Rook answers and that in itself is almost as good as acceptance. 

They finish their cigarettes in silence and walk back inside not long after. 

——

The day goes by so fast and Rook has to leave already. 

Staci goes to the top of the stairs to listen and see if John has calmed down but all he can hear is Johns low mumbling by the edge of the door. 

Rook comes to knock on his door and add a “goodbye John” and all hell breaks loose again. 

John knocks and scratches on the door in time with his breathless pleads of “no Rook! ROOK! Jacob let me out please PLEASE!” But Jacob just bangs on the door to get John to calm down. 

“Calm down John! You had your chance!” Jacob says sharply and adds “lets go Rook.”

They all make it downstairs. Tries to drown out Johns pathetic noises. 

Staci hugs Rook tightly in goodbye. Adds a little “get home safe” in his ear. Rook just hums in answer and gives Jacob a hefty handshake. 

Joseph gets one too, a lighter one. Joseph still has a sharp look on him though. Like he wants to say more but doesn’t have it in him at the moment. Maybe next time Staci thinks. 

And just like that Rook is off again. And Staci is alone with the lunatics again. Staci waves at Rook as he drives away and gets a wave back before he gets back on the sofa with Jacob. 

“Was it good to see an old friend?” Jacob grunts. Almost like small talk would physically kill him. Staci just laughs. 

——

They still have sex but Staci’s pretty sure John listens by the door. It’s weird. He hears his little quiet footsteps or his breathing sometimes when it gets real quiet in their room. 

Jacob will slide his thick fingers inside of Staci and the slick sounds from the lube will fill the room. Staci doesn’t wanna give John the satisfaction of hearing him moan but he can’t help the small sounds that leave his mouth anyways. 

It feels so good to have Jacob inside of him. Stretched and filled, his legs up and spread. He holds onto the sheets for support as Jacob takes Stacis cock in his mouth. Jacob has changed a lot over these few months. Not afraid to put a cock in his mouth anymore. 

Staci writhes and moans as Jacob sucks him down and stretches him open at the same time. 

It’s only when Jacob fills him up with something bigger that he lets his moans roam freely. He doesn’t give a fuck about John listening anymore. 

His toes are curling as he feels the harsh thrusts of Jacob inside of him. 

Jacob goes a little wild, hair loose and down his forehead, fingers tensing in Stacis shirt and sweat beading at his temples. 

“Go on- come for me..” Jacob whispers in Stacis ear and it’s like all hell breaks loose. Staci comes all over himself, eyes clenched and fingers digging into Jacobs back as he thrusts deep inside of him. 

Jacob slides out and jerks himself the rest of the way, spurting ropes of come over Stacis already come covered shirt. They’re still half dressed, too riled up to fully undress. 

Staci feels filthy. Lays his head back on the pillow and sighs. “You need to tell him to stop or he won’t..” he says, legs going down to the mattress. 

“Hmm” Jacob answers and lays down next to Staci, head resting on his shoulder, nose nudging into his collarbone. 

Jacob is not taking this seriously and it pisses Staci off. “He’s your brother!” He exclaims but Jacob just hums again and falls asleep. It’s not even night time but Staci is too tired to say no to a nap. 

———-

“Why are you being such a little creep huh?” Staci corners John in the kitchen. He looks like a little rat, hunched over and nose scrunched. A bag of chocolates in his hand. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” John answers and tries to go past Staci but he keeps his arm up in an obstacle. 

“You know very well what I’m talking about. Your brother is too much of a coward to tell you to stop so I have to. You gotta stop listening by the door it’s creepy as hell.” Staci says, clearly displeased. 

John cowers a little, caught in the act and he just huffs and rolls his eyes. “Well I wouldn’t say I’m listening but it’s hard not to when the princess lets her orgasm known for the entire house!” John shoots back with a smirk and runs by Stacis hand. 

“Curse you John!” Staci says with his fist raised but there’s nothing to do. He feels like he hasn’t done anything about the situation. John will probably continue to listen in. It’s gross and over the line but it’s the Seed house. Stranger things have happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep coming back to this story. I guess I’m not finished with it yet.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for this chapter! Please read the tags!

One morning Jacob says he has to leave. He won’t say where he’s going but he needs to leave now. Staci gets worried. Is he supposed to stay alone with the brothers? That’s madness. 

But Jacob leaves and Staci stands in the door waving with dread in his stomach. 

None of the brothers come down though. Not until lunch time does Joseph come down and get some food. He brings some to John too, Staci can hear them talk upstairs. 

At around 4 the phone rings. Staci jumps from the sofa where he was sitting. It’s a loud ring. Nobody is coming down to take it and it just keeps ringing. 

Eventually Staci takes the call. 

“Hello?”

“ _This is Hope County Rehab facility center. You have one call from;_ Rachel Jessop.”

Staci waits as the machine finishes talking. 

“Hello?” He tries again when he hears some noise.

“Who’s this?” A lady’s voice says. She sounds tired and on edge. 

“This is Staci.”

“Staci? Staci who? Where’s Jacob?”

“Staci Pratt. Jacob’s out.. right now..” He tries to explain but Rachel sounds annoyed with him. 

“Typical. When I finally call he’s out.”

“Do you wanna talk to John instead?” Staci tries but Rachel just snorts.

“No. Well no actually yeah. Let me talk to John.” she says and Staci just says “ok.” And puts the handle on the table while he goes upstairs. 

He knocks on Johns door. “John. Rachel wants to speak to you. On the phone.” He tries but it’s quiet behind the door. 

“Who?” He hears sharply. And he has to explain himself. 

“R-Rachel?” He tries again but John doesn’t answer at all this time. 

“Faith” he finally says and that makes John rummage around in his room. Finally he opens the door and stares angrily at Staci. Probably still mad about what happened when Rook was there. 

He pushes Staci aside with his arm and walks downstairs to talk to Rachel on the phone. 

Staci stays in the kitchen while they talk. He doesn’t wanna sneak on them and listen in. 

They talk for about half an hour before John puts the phone down on the table and snaps his fingers at Staci. 

“She wants to talk to you.” He says and walks back upstairs. 

Staci takes the phone again curiously and says “this is Staci.” 

“Yeah hi. When Jacob Comes back tell him I’ll be allowed to visit. Okay?” She says but she doesn’t sound happy about it she sounds like she has no choice. 

“Okay.” Staci answers and then Rachel hangs up. 

Having the final Seed sibling in the house would surely make the whole thing explode. Staci is worried. 

Jacob comes back home not long after. He looks exhausted and anxious and he’s got blood all over his camouflage shirt and Staci immediately checks him for wounds. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, blood drained from his face. 

“Yeah I’m alright.” Jacob says but doesn’t explain further. It pisses Staci off. 

“What happened?” He tries but Jacob just shakes his head. 

“It’s deer blood.” He tries but he’s dismissive. Won’t look Staci in the eyes. 

“Tell me what happened Jacob.” Staci tries again and Jacob just goes to their room and changes his shirt. Puts the bloody one in the sink with warm water to soak. 

Jacob ignores him. Even through dinner he says nothing. 

It’s only at night when they lay in bed and Staci looks at him with big frightened eyes. 

“I went to see Whitehorse.” He confesses in the dark. 

Staci doesn’t say anything cus he wants him to explain further. 

“Loose ends and all.. well he wasn’t doing good. We talked for a bit but he felt guilty for not keeping us in jail. He..” Jacob stops. 

Staci waits patiently but Jacob seems to not wanna continue. “He what?” He says eventually and Jacob holds Staci close. Let’s his head rest on Stacis. 

“He shot himself. In front of me. He couldn’t bear to see me. I just left. I called the police and left.” He says and swallows thickly. 

It’s clear it took a toll on Jacob. He’s used to taking a life but times have changed, he has a conscious now. He cares about people. His brothers, Staci. 

Stacis eyes go big in the dark but he just hugs Jacob closer. “‘M sorry..” he says and Jacob doesn’t answer, so Staci just nuzzles his face closer to Jacobs neck. 

“Yeah..” Jacob finally says and that’s that. Staci falls asleep pretty soon after but Jacob stays awake all night. 

————

“Oh by the way Rachel called yesterday. Said she was gonna come visit” Staci says during breakfast while he still remembers. 

Jacob looks a wreck. Hair sticking up in places and dark circles under his eyes. 

He hums interested at Staci while eating his cornflakes. 

“Here?” He says with a curious stare and Staci just nods. “Alright..” he says and goes back to his food. 

———

Rook calls once in a while too. Staci has been taking the phone more lately than any other time he’s been in the house. It’s mostly him who picks up until John gets a whiff of Stacis conversations when he’s downstairs, and puts two and two together. 

Then he’s all over the phone. Sits and waits by it for hours. He wants desperately to talk to Rook. 

He does talk to him. Well John does most of the talking. Rook just hums in answer at his babbling. 

John tells Rook about everything that’s going on in his life. Which isn’t much at the moment but he likes to over do it. Dramatize it. 

He talks about his tattoos, and the painting he’s been doing lately now that he’s in doors a lot. 

He tries to make Rook come visit again and Rook doesn’t necessarily say no so John keeps his hopes up to see him again. 

“And I’ll play nice this time I promise. I won’t touch you- only look!” He says with a smile, trying to convince Rook. 

Rook just hums back with a little “alright..” as he tinkers with his car while talking to John. 

Rook talks to Jacob too. About John. About how he’s changed and if maybe Rook should give him another chance. Come take him out for a walk so he can get out more. Motivate him to be a better person. Only Rook can do that it seems. 

Staci isn’t convinced. John is still a little rat in his eyes but if Jacob could change then maybe so can John. 

Joseph doesn’t want to use the phone much. He likes physical contact a lot more. He stays in his room or in his chair most of the time. Humming to himself. Old tunes from better times. 

Staci has no idea when Rachel will come visit. She didn’t say a date so she could come any day.


	12. Chapter 12

John’s in high spirits. He’s grinning from ear to ear eating his lunch by the table. A rare sight. 

“What’s getting you in such a good mood?” Jacob finally asks when John won’t stop smiling. 

“Rook agreed to see me.. we’re going for a walk later today.” He says cheerfully. Staci feels bad for Rook. All those phone calls must have worked. 

Staci heard John pestering Rook all times of the day, calling him up and talking to him for hours. He finally cracked. But Rook is smart. He won’t let John in just like that. There must be something else. Some reason for him to see him again. After last time Staci wouldn’t let that man near him if it was him. 

Rook does show up later that day, wearing his red and black checkered flannel shirt. A cap on his head. He’s ruffling his hair and putting it back on again when he sees John. 

John doesn’t have much of his old clothes that fit him anymore so he borrowed some from Jacob. A pair of jeans that sit a little tight and a big hoodie. That’ll do for now. 

John smiles and goes to hug Rook but the deputy just shakes his head and stops him with a hand. “Not yet John.” 

John just smiles awkwardly and says “alright” and off they go. 

Staci would love to be a bird in a tree right now. Watching those two go for a walk. It can’t be peaceful, it has to be chaotic. 

———

It’s an hour an a half later they come back looking just fine. John is in a deep tale about something, hands animating and Rook looking like he’s listening carefully. 

John walks Rook to his car and they say their goodbyes. Still no hug just a wave and Rook is out on the road again in no time. 

John won’t tell them what they talked about during their walk. He just smiles ruefully like he’s got a secret he won’t tell. 

It kinda pisses Staci off. Rook is his friend and he doesn’t get to go for walks with him. But he’s reminded that John is sick. He needs to recover so he can get back into society again. Rook is helping him get better. 

———-

Staci wakes in the middle of the night. Jacob isn’t in bed next to him and his heart beats a little faster. He always feels like Jacob is gonna leave him. Just leave in the middle of the night and never come back. Leave him with his brothers. What a nightmare. 

He walks down the stairs slowly when he hears music in the living room. None of the others are awake so the music is low enough not to alarm anyone.

Jacob is sitting by the record player, listening. It’s an old one. Staci isn’t even sure where he got it from. Maybe even his old days. But then he remembers Jacob used to live in a homeless shelter. He probably doesn’t have anything from his old days. 

“What are you doing up?” He asks when he finally makes it to the plush chair next to Jacob. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” He just says, shrugging. He looks like he’s got worries on his mind but he’s just staring into the air not adding much more. 

“Wanna come back to bed with me?” Staci says, hand on Jacobs thigh, making it suggestive if Jacob wants it to be, not really going there yet in case he doesn’t want it. 

Jacob just shakes his head lightly, looking exhausted. 

Staci lays his head on Jacobs shoulder and they just sit there and listen to the music for a bit. The room is only lit with a little lamp in the corner so the atmosphere is cozy in the cabin. 

Jacob takes Stacis hand and curls his fingers around his. 

Then a new song comes on which visibly makes something clash in Jacobs mind. He makes a move to get up but waits for a bit. Like he’s in deep thought. 

_/Never thought that you would be  
standing here so close to me/_

He gets up eventually and walks to the record player, arms crossed as he observes it. 

_/there's so much I feel that I should say  
but words can wait until some other day/_

Staci gets up and slowly approaches Jacob in the low light. Hands sneaking around him from behind, head resting on his back. 

_/Kiss me once, then kiss me twice  
Then kiss me once again/_

Jacob still doesn’t say anything but he’s clearly moved by the song. Maybe an old memory? Maybe someone he loved?

_/It's been a long, long time/_

Instead of growing jealous of someone from the past that might have triggered this love song for Jacob, Staci starts to rock back and forth a little. 

_/You'll never know how many dreams  
I've dreamed about you/_

Jacob moves with him for a bit before he turns around and embraces Staci fully. 

_/Or just how empty they all seemed without you/_

They stand like that, at 3 am in the living room, rocking back and forth until the song ends. 

Jacob holds Staci for a bit longer before he turns the record player off and follows Staci back upstairs to their bed. 

Staci thinks Jacob needs an extra bit of attention tonight so he turns himself into the big spoon, holding Jacob tightly from the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the song if you’re wanting to get in the mood for this fic!  
> https://youtu.be/iP0tHmoc1rs


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this is not your thing, just skip this chapter..

It’s at about 4 am that Staci wakes to an empty bed, again. Jacob is gone and Staci gets nervous once more. 

He finds him at the bottom of the stairs just standing there, staring into the air. 

“Jacob?” He tries but his boyfriend is lost in thought. 

He walks down there to shake his shoulder lightly and finally he wakes up from his haze. 

“Hmm?” He says looking a little lost. 

“Come back to bed big guy..” Staci says, slowly guiding him up the stairs again. 

They fall asleep arms and legs tangled, cuddling close. But Staci can’t seem to forget that this is the second time Jacob has been acting weird in the middle of the night. Maybe they need to talk about it. 

———

Staci decides to order something fun for them. Maybe it’ll cheer Jacob up a bit. He can’t believe he’s doing this, really, he’s never been this dirty before. 

He just hopes John won’t be the one to open the door when the mail man brings it over. 

Late night impulse shopping should be a crime, Staci thinks before going back to bed. 

——-

It’s a Tuesday evening when the door bell rings. John eagerly walks over to open the door but gets a bit disappointed when he sees its Rachel. 

“What? Aren’t you happy to see your sister?” She says a little bitterly, moving a piece of her dirty blonde hair behind her ear. 

John just smiles and says “We were never really related If I’m remembering correctly.” Then leaves the door open for her to get in. He scuttles up into his room again.

“Rude.” She says but her anger is not real. Not how Staci remembers it could be. It’s like she’s a balloon that has deflated. Her entire demeanor is different. She seems more tame. Like the rest of the Seeds. 

Joseph comes over with a soft smile, hugging Rachel close. You can see it in Rachel’s face that she’s uncomfortable. Never really got over Joseph’s power over her. How he treated her. Brainwashed her and forced her to be a part of their little cult. 

She hugs him back though, seemingly gone through some kind of therapy to forgive him. She doesn’t look like her beautiful self either. 

Her hair is dirty and unruly like she never combs it anymore and her pink flower top and jeans look a little smudged too. 

Jacob comes over to give her a hug too, a side one, so she won’t feel cramped by his build. 

“Come in. We got beer if you want.” Jacob suggests as he shows her the way to the sofa. 

She sits down and contemplates it for a moment then shakes her head. “Just water please.” And Jacob goes to get it for her immediately. 

They all sit and talk for a bit, except for John he’s up in his room, doing god knows what, Staci thinks. 

Rachel explains she’s in rehab now, doing a lot better, drug and alcohol free for a while. Joseph beams with the news, like he’s proud of her. Like she’s his daughter or something. It’s weird Staci thinks. 

“And actually I came here to ask you a favor..” she confesses finally. It was clear something was on her mind the entire time she was here. 

“Yes?” Jacob asks, to be polite. He’s half frowning though, feeling like he already knows what she wants. 

“The facility doctors agreed for me to be discharged. But on one condition. I have somewhere to go. So I was thinking maybe I could.. come back here and stay? For a bit?” She looks nervous when she mentions it. Like she doesn’t really want to. 

It gets silent in the room. Staci wants to say no immediately but it’s not his place to. This is not his home. 

Jacob does it for him though. Before Joseph can manage to say yes out of pity. “Rachel I don’t think that’s a good idea. We’re already full in this place and John is very ill. I’m sorry, we care about your well being but we have enough on our plate already.” He says, and Joseph looks down in disappointment. 

Once upon a time it was Joseph who made all the decisions. Now Jacob is the head of the house. 

“I don’t have anywhere else to go..” Rachel says sadly, looking down at her fidgeting hands. She needs a family, Staci thinks. But this family can’t handle her yet. 

“I know a place, used to be a haunted house, but now it’s a place for youngsters with no parents. Maybe I can make a call and you can go there? I’ll be happy to help you Rachel, I’m sorry but we’re just getting by ourselves here.” Jacob explains again, Staci looks at him with big eyes. He feels bad for Rachel but Jacob is telling the truth. 

It feels mean to throw her to the wolves like that. As if she hasn’t sacrificed herself for this family. Staci can see she’s a little angry about it. Probably thinking the same as him. 

“But you’re always welcome to visit us.” Jacob finally says, lightening the mood a little. It makes Rachel smile a little, seemingly comforting her. 

“Thanks.. you’re the only family I have left.” She says sadly and Joseph goes to take her hand. It helps a little. But only a little. 

Rachel stays for dinner, John giving her a look of confusion as to why she’s still here but eating his steak none the less. 

“Good to see you’re eating healthily John.” She says with spite in her voice at his look. 

John grits his teeth and stares at her with unbelievable eyes. Coming for his weight is a low blow but he had started it earlier with that family comment. 

Oddly enough John just continues to eat and stays silent. Something must have changed in him for him to not lash out at her. 

Staci had thought he would be throwing his drink At her or something. Maybe Rooks visits really have helped. 

“Enough Rachel.” Jacob says and they continue to eat in somewhat peace. 

Rachel leaves again after dinner, waving goodbye to John, who huffs with his nose raised, and Joseph who takes her hand and holds it for a bit. “You’ll always be on my mind Faith.” He says and Rachel takes her hand back a little hurriedly. Getting called by her old name puts her off a bit. 

———-

Staci manages to intercept the mail guy in the garden before he makes it to the door. He’s standing watering some plants when he drives up the hill. 

“That’s for me! I’m Staci!” He says with a smile as the mailman agrees and makes him sign for the package. 

He takes it inside and opens it up, curling his fingers over the fur.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this..” he says with a smile, holding his hand over his forehead. 

He only shows Jacob when it’s night time again. 

Jacob seems tense after Rachel’s visit. After denying her a place to stay. Staci hopes the new thing can help him relax. 

“What are you smiling at?” Jacob says as he stands in the door way, observing Staci. 

Staci is standing bend over the bed, placing something on it. 

“I got you something.. well it’s for me but maybe it’ll make you happy too..” he explains, slowly as he steps away from the bed, showing Jacob what’s on it. 

Jacobs eyes widen as he sees the toys on the bed. He goes to pick it up. 

It’s a pair of black furry ears and a tail, a plug attached to the end. 

“You got this for us?” He says sounding a little surprised. 

“Yeah.. thought we needed some fun..” he smiles, holding Jacobs arms. “Do you like it?” He asks with hope in his voice. 

“Yeah.. this will be fun.. for sure..” Jacob smiles and puts the ears on Staci. 

Stacis smile is all dopey as he looks at Jacob with stars in his eyes. “You gotta help me get it in though..” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Jacob laughs and bends down to kiss his boyfriend, his lips are a little rough on Stacis but it feels good still. To have Jacob this close to him. He tugs at Jacobs shirt and presses him closer, his tongue sneaking out to press against Jacobs lips. 

“Let me in..” he whines and Jacob just smiles and opens his mouth for Stacis tongue to roam free. 

They kiss for a bit, turns it heated as Staci finally pushes Jacob backwards towards the bed. 

They hurriedly get rid of each other’s clothes, Jacob forcefully picking Staci up and putting him on the bed. It makes Staci laugh in joy to feel his boyfriends strength like that. Once upon a time it was used against him with pain. Now it’s only part of the appeal. 

“Get the lube will ya? I wanna put this thing in..” Jacob drawls as Staci scoots up the bed and leans over to the bedside table to retrieve the lube. 

He pushes it down to Jacob, who crawls over the bed and looms over Stacis naked body. 

“Spread your legs..” he says with a serious tone, big hands going to Stacis thighs to hold him open when he spreads them. 

He drizzles some lube on his fingers, pressing lightly against Stacis puckered hole. 

“Ah it’s cold” Staci whines but Jacob just smiles at him, he’s getting what he wants tonight, no matter if it’s cold or not. 

Finally Jacob presses his finger in, it goes in smoothly, pressing against Stacis insides, trying to find that special place that will make him feel good. 

On his third try does he find it, Stacis body visibly shudders and he moans softly. 

“Feel good?” Jacob says with a hearty laugh, loving the red tint in Stacis cheeks. 

Staci nods and smiles back lazily, enjoying this moment to the fullest. Hoping John isn’t outside listening to them. Hopefully Rook told him not to be rude. 

“Wait till you get the real thing.” Jacob says and presses his other finger alongside the first. It doesn’t hurt just yet but Staci does feel stretched and full already, wondering how he’s gonna feel with the plug. 

The plug isn’t that far off, when Jacob gets a nice rhythm going with his two fingers he finally slides them back out and lubes up the tails plug. 

“Here we go..” Jacob says, gently pressing it inside of Staci. Staci groans with it as it slides in further and further, opening him up. “You’ll be nice and ready for my dick.. I can keep you open on this thing all night..” Jacob almost growls, caught up in the moment and how pleasured Staci looks. 

“Almost there little pup..” Jacob says and Staci grows even more red in the face with the nickname. 

Staci knows Jacob misses his wolves and dogs. This had been a little reminder for him to ease back into it. It’s a far cry from a real wolf but they can always pretend Staci is a little dog. 

The plug slides all the way inside and Staci keens with it, toes curled in pleasure as they’re still spread apart, giving Jacob a perfect view of the plug being swallowed by Stacis hole. 

“Aaah I’m so full..” Staci moans, one hand clenched in the sheets, the other in his own hair, ruffling it in pleasure. He wishes Jacob would do it. 

“Yeah? It feels good to be my little puppy?” Jacob dirty talks, smile still on his face as he pets the tail end of the plug. 

Staci nods and grabs Jacobs hand, moving it to his head. “You want some good boy pets?” Jacob laughs and rubs Stacis hair behind the black fur ears. 

Jacob is leaned in over Stacis body, hand in his hair, fond smile on his lips.   
Staci is gazing up at him with all the love he shouldn’t have for this man. This predator. 

Jacobs other hand slowly starts to stroke Stacis cock, it’s already hard and flushed from just the plug being guided in him. 

“You wanna come like his? With my hand?” Jacob asks, his hand going a bit faster with Stacis small whines. Staci is good at that. Whining like a bitch in heat. He fits the profile perfectly then. 

Jacob likes it too, leans down to bite at his throat and shoulder, leaving wet kisses behind. No marks though, don’t want John to have something to say. 

Stacis toes curl in pleasure as he’s already close. The plug really heightens his pleasure, he was right to buy it and introduce it to their sex like. 

“Do you like it too?” Staci says sounding out of breath and a little insecure. 

Jacob leans back up and kisses his red flushed cheeks. “Yeah.. it turns me on when you whine like that.. your little tail, it’s cute..” he says as he guides Stacis hand to his own cock, hard and proud already. 

Jacobs hand feels like magic on him, wringing out a well deserved orgasm. Staci tries to keep his moans down so John won’t hear but it’s not working, he’s feeling so good, Jacobs hand on him and the plug inside of him. 

“Jacob.. Jacob..” he whines, eyes almost completely shut in pleasure. He wants to see Jacobs face though. Wants to see his loving smile. So different from the hate and pain he used to give him. 

Jacob kisses him thoroughly after he has come, rubbing a thumb over his balls to tease him a little. 

“My turn..” he says with a smirk as he slowly guides the plug out. Staci grips Jacobs shoulder and hides his face in his throat, nuzzling against him, his ears tickling Jacob. 

“Ready?” He says softly and Staci nods as the plug is all the way out. Jacob sticks his two fingers inside of him again just to check and Staci whines again, biting down on Jacobs shoulder. 

Jacob laughs and slides them back out. “Aright alright..” he says as he positions himself between Stacis legs. Staci falls back down on the pillow, hands over his head, hiding his face a little. 

Jacob applies a bit of lube on his cock before finally sliding in. Staci makes a weak noise but spreads his legs a little wider, giving Jacob space. 

Jacob grunts as he slides all the way home. “You’re letting me right in aren’t you? Good boy..” he praises, kissing Stacis stubbled jaw. 

Staci can’t do anything right now but moan, he’s lost in the pleasure, feeling himself surrendering completely to Jacob. Like he’s one of his wolves. Staci feels less strong than a wolf though. Less furious and wild. He feels soft and fragile. Hopes Jacob won’t abuse that. 

Jacob’s moving wildly inside of him, in and out, in and out, the dirty sounds reaching Stacis ears. He couldn’t be more red in the face though, even if he tried. 

Jacobs grip on his hip is bruising, so much for no marks. Well, John won’t see them there anyways. Unless he decides to spy on Staci when he changes. But Staci has a feeling Rook really did make him a better man. 

Staci makes a wounded noise when he feels Jacobs hand on his prick again, fondling it back to hardness. “Jacob it’s too much..” he whines but Jacob doesn’t stop, he fucks him senseless, testing Stacis limits. 

“I wanna see you come on my dick puppy..” he whispers into Stacis ear, making goosebumps appear all over his skin. 

Staci holds his thigh open and the other hand in Jacobs hair, tugging at it a bit to punish him for taking it too far. 

It’s not like Staci feels in danger yet. Just a bit overwhelmed, over pleasured. 

Jacobs hair falls a bit down his forehead, it’s been growing out lately, almost as long as johns hair. Not as long as Joseph’s thankfully. Though Staci wouldn’t mind seeing Jacobs hair in a bun. Maybe he would look too much like his brother. 

Jacob growls and fucks into Staci with vigor, pressing against his prostate on each slide inside, making Staci cry out in pleasure. 

Jacob groans as he comes, emptying out inside of Staci, wildly fucking him till he’s spend. Staci whines as he feels himself getting full of come. 

What’s worse is that Jacob guides the plug back inside of him hurriedly before the come slides out. 

“Jacob...” he whines in embarrassment. But Jacob is just smiling. “You bought the damn thing..” he says as he laughs a little, watching Staci plugged up again. 

Staci is still hard and Jacob slides down to his cock and puts it in his mouth, sucks on it a few times before he feels Stacis release in his mouth. 

He finishes sucking him off until Staci whines and gently taps him on the shoulder to signal its enough. 

Jacob is not finished just yet though. While he’s down there he might as well play a little with the plug, sliding it out again just to watch Stacis rim stretch on it. 

Staci tugs at Jacobs hair and Jacob laughs and crawls back up to lay next to him on the bed. 

Staci curls around him, plug still inside, feeling dirty. 

“John can never know about this..” he says feeling guilty he introduced something this dirty in the Seed house. 

“Are you seriously bringing my brother into this right after we fucked?” Jacob says, rubbing his hand over his face. But he’s smiling, ruffling Stacis hair behind the fluffy ears. 

They lay like that for a bit before Staci goes to the bathroom and cleans himself, leaving the ears and plug in there for later. 

Jacob is already asleep once he comes back and Staci feels like his little trick worked. Jacob looks calm. For once. 

He curls up under the blanket and presses his face into Jacobs chest, trying not to wake him as he slips into sleep as well.


	14. Chapter 14

Jacob is in the garden today. On his knees, in the grass, ripping up weeds.  
It’s a nice clear day for some garden work and Staci is standing stretching on the porch. 

Rook came by earlier. Instead of going for a walk he came inside. Went to talk to John alone. 

Staci feels left out. Rook is his friend and yet he spends more time with John lately. It’s unfair.  
But Staci won’t be a child about it. He’ll be a grown up. Let John have his time with Rook. 

They already went for another walk the other day. Spending more time together than ever.  
Staci wonders what they’re doing now. In his room. He’s so curious. And worried. For his friends sanity sake. 

Suddenly it’s quiet outside. No sound of tools being used. No weeds being ripped. Jacob stopped working.  
Staci walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t even move. He’s just sitting there starring down at the weeds in his hands. 

“Are you okay?” Staci asks but Jacob just lifts his head and looks confused at him.

Something happened when Rook came. Jacob kept starring at him. Like he was watching a precious stone. Trying to steal it away from onlookers. 

It was odd and Staci felt left out again. 

“Fine.” Jacob finally hums out, hands going back to work like nothing happened. 

Staci walks inside to get some coffee, sits in the chair next to Joseph as he watches tv intensely. Everything that man does is intense. 

Suddenly he hears something break from upstairs. He sits for a bit, listening, putting his coffee down. 

He should go check right? Rook could be in danger.  
He walks up slowly to the first floor, footsteps soft and quiet. 

He makes it to Johns door and listens in a bit, ear to the door. He feels guilty for doing it but he tells himself it’s for Rooks own safety.  
He can hear noises coming from inside. Rook sounds like he’s in pain.  
Staci has to do something right? John is misusing his trust. Probably tattooing Rook or something. 

Staci makes the hard choice and opens the door. “Rook are you okay?” He asks as the door opens and he gets an eyeful of stuff he never wanted to see. 

Rook is on the edge of the bed, John on the floor. Face towards Rooks groin, hands on Rooks thighs. 

Staci is in shock. He never imagined this to be what they would be doing.  
He’s standing there for a bit until John turns around, drool in his beard, his little butt crack on display from how tight his pants are. 

He’s smirking at Staci. Like he just won something big.  
Rook doesn’t even say anything. He’s kinda shocked too. A little embarrassed judging by the flush on his face. Or that could just be because he’s enjoying himself. 

Staci hurriedly closes the door, standing next to it, head on the wall for a bit. Horrified.  
Rook really agreed to that? Johns lips around his.. he can’t even think it. It’s too much. 

John is such a snake. Making Rook agree to that. 

But Rook is strong. He would never give in just like that. He must trust John somehow. Maybe John said something that made him okay with it?

Staci is confused.  
He feels like his friend betrayed him.  
But why would that be a betrayal when he’s been laying in bed with the devil himself?

Staci walks back downstairs with fists tight and teeth gritted.  
He goes for a walk. Needs to clear his head.  
He feels like smoking but he doesn’t wanna bother Jacob for some cigarettes. 

It’s not a quiet walk. He kicks every rock he can find. Ripping leaves off the bushes on his way. Curses a few times to himself. 

He had seen Rooks dick. When John turned away he had gotten a glimpse of it. Why does that matter? Why is he so upset that Rook got some action?

Because it’s with John. Who hurt Rook so much.  
Well Jacob tortured him too so where’s the logic in that.  
It’s easier to be upset when it’s done to someone you care about than with yourself.  
Staci doesn’t think much of himself anymore. Not after he was beat down by Jacobs brainwashing techniques. 

He finds himself back home in the end. Jacob is still in the yard, cutting some bushes now. He’s got mud all over his clothes. He looks concentrated.  
Staci wants to kiss him. Wants to feel affection. Fill that odd hole in his chest that Jacob carved there so long ago. 

Rook comes out of the house just then, as Staci is looking lovingly at Jacob.  
He waves at Staci. Probably wants to talk but he doesn’t manage to get to him before Jacob is marching towards him. 

It’s odd. Jacob looks a little off. He’s got this fire in his eyes.  
Staci can’t hear what he’s saying just yet, he’s not close enough. He runs up to them just as Jacob is gripping Rooks shirt tightly. 

“What’s going on?” Staci says, touching Jacobs shoulder.  
His eyes look wild, confused but animalistic. Like he’s hunting again. 

“Jacob calm down.” Staci says, trying to dislodge his fingers from Rooks shirt.  
Rook looks alarmed, like he’s about to take his gun out. 

“You should have killed us..” Jacob suddenly growls.  
“What’s going on Jacob?” Staci is a little panicked now. Jacob won’t let go and he’s getting closer and closer. 

Luckily he had left behind the big sheers, so he’s not gonna hurt Rook. Right?  
Jacob takes his hand back and flips open his holster, getting his big red knife out from the back of his jeans, swiftly launches out for Rook. 

Rook’s quick still, manages to kick Jacob in the shins to make him let go briefly.  
Jacob managed to cut Rook on the arm, there’s a big cut and he’s bleeding.  
It all happens so fast Staci can only yell in fear at Jacob. 

“Jacob stop!” He yells and pushes at Jacobs chest.  
Jacob is already ready for more, getting into attack mode and launching out after Rook.  
Rook has his gun out, it only took two seconds and Staci is really scared now. 

“Put the knife down Jacob.” Rook says. He’s learned to speak a bit more. He knows it’s important in this instance. 

Suddenly John is there in the garden, yelling at Jacob. He must have seen the altercation from his window. Watching Rook leave off course.  
“Jacob what are you doing?” John yells, gripping at Jacob too.

Jacob gets jolted out of his head with those words. Like Johns voice triggers something in him.  
He drops the knife and looks at his hands. There’s some blood on them from the cut on Rooks arm. 

Rook is already lowering his gun. John is by Rooks side, holding his arm looking alarmed.  
Rook shrugs him off and walks to his car hurriedly. Like he’s been betrayed. 

“Simon wait!” John yells desperately.  
And it hurts. John is on first name basis with Rook now? He sounded so hurt too. 

John goes to Jacob and pushes him wildly, angrily. “Look what you’ve done! You fucked it all up!” He yells and Staci has to hold him back now.  
It’s chaos and Staci is so worried for Rook. Wants to follow him too but he’s driven off already. 

John pushes at Staci too and walks angrily inside.  
Joseph is by the window watching it all with intense eyes. Almost a small smile on his face. Staci hates him. 

“Jacob what happened?” He finally asks, a hand on Jacobs shoulder, one on his face to get him out of his head again.  
He doesn’t say anything but Staci is able to lead him inside to sit in the chair. 

He sits there and stares for a bit before Staci gets down on his knees, holding Jacobs hands in his, laying his head on Jacobs lap. 

“I need help..” Jacob finally says, sounding defeated.  
Staci knew as much. “What’s happening to you?” Staci asks. It was as if Jacob was back to his old ways. Obsessing over Rook. Looking like a wild animal. 

“I..” Jacob starts but stops himself, looking guilty.  
He’s got his hand in Stacis hair, caressing it gently like it’s making him feel more normal again. 

“I stopped taking my medicine.” He finally confesses.  
Staci looks at him with big round eyes, feeling a little frightened.  
If he could lash out on Rook like that he could go back to abusing Staci too. 

“How long has it been?” Staci asks. But he already knows it’s been a while.  
The times Jacob would stand at the edge of the stairs, starring into the air.  
In the living room dancing to that song. It’s all been leading up to this. 

“For a while..” Jacob confirms Stacis suspicion. 

“Why?” Staci asks, needs to know. 

“I thought.. I could.. I thought it would be okay. I thought I was okay.” He admits, thumb on Stacis cheek. 

“You need to take me to the hospital.” Jacob says, sounding determined.  
Staci is scared. He doesn’t wanna be in this house without Jacob.  
He doesn’t even wanna ask if Jacob is sure. If Jacob says this he must have already sacrificed his pride. 

“I don’t wanna hurt you..” he says, smiling, trying to look like everything will be okay but deep in his eyes Staci can see he’s scared.  
Staci nods and gets up, hand in Jacobs hair now, moving his head up as he leans down himself, kissing Jacob softly on the lips. 

“It’ll be okay..” Staci says, trying to make them both feel better. 

He gets Jacobs jacket and packs some of his things for him. Some shirts and pants, his rabbit foot by the bed. 

He’s about to pack a belt but then thinks twice about it. Scared Jacob will do something stupid with it. 

He brings it all downstairs, looking at Joseph who’s just been standing there staring at Jacob like he can mind control him to take over Hope county for him again. 

“Joseph I need to take Jacob to the hospital okay? Look after John while I’m gone.” Staci says and to his surprise Joseph nods. 

Staci is glad that Joseph has gone so quiet over the past months. It’s almost like he’s a mute. He barely talks. Which suits Staci fine because then he can’t smooth talk everyone into evil doings. 

Staci helps Jacob to the car, puts him in the passengers seat as he gets in the drivers seat himself. 

“It’ll be okay..” Staci says again, driving slowly to the nearest psych ward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Experienced something awful today so seeking some comfort in a new chapter.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been in a bit of a funk lately but I’m still writing on this fic!

The psychiatric hospitals ER is busy for some reason. Lots of people waiting in the waiting room and Jacob and Staci just has to sit down and wait too. 

They wait for about an hour and a half before they get called. Well Jacob gets called. Staci sits and waits outside. 

He had managed to put a hand on Jacobs arm before he went into the evaluation to comfort him but Jacob had looked at him with those dead eyes. 

This has happened once before, Staci remembers as he sits and waits alone with all the other miserable people. 

That one time they had sex and Jacob had been acting more violent with him. Later admitted he had forgotten to take his medicine. This seems like it was on purpose though. 

The atmosphere here is unsettling. A room full of suffering people and Staci fits right in. 

Staci starts to get up and pace for a bit. A nurse comes out of a room and Staci can’t help but peak into the room after a bit. 

Someone is sitting in the window, about to jump and Staci panics a bit when he remembers they’re on the ground floor. 

Still, he calls the nurse for help and they manage to get the patient inside again, calmly. 

Staci sits back down and waits for about twenty more minutes before Jacob comes back outside. He can’t help but hug him, he’s so worried. 

“I’m gonna stay the night here. Tomorrow they’ll transfer me to the psych ward.” Jacob says. Staci wants to cry. But he knows this is for the best. To make Jacob feel better again. 

He gives Jacob his bag and walks with him along with the nurse to his room. “Do you want me to stay for a bit?” Staci asks still hopeful he won’t have to leave Jacob here, and they can go back home together. 

“No. I want to rest. You should go back home and check on John.” Jacob says with a flat tone to his voice. He really is sick Staci thinks. 

They hug one last time and Staci leaves. Heartbroken. The drive home is quiet and it feels like something heavy is sitting on Stacis chest. 

Once he’s home again he’s surprised to see John and Joseph together in the living room waiting for him. 

John looks up with hope in his eyes until he sees it’s only Staci and not his older brother. 

“He’s gonna stay there. I don’t know for how long.” Staci tells them and John frowns and gets up.

“Did Rook contact you?” Staci asks John before he can run off to his room. 

“What do you think?” John snorts and walks up the stairs with angry steps. 

Long gone are the days of John being happy and manic. Things where going so well with Rook here, it was really looking up. 

Joseph looks at Staci with his sorrowful eyes and manages to say “I’ll make dinner.” It’s like he can feel Stacis suffering but instead of putting pressure on it he helps out. Odd, Staci thinks. Not like Joseph but he doesn’t complain. 

They eat vegetable soup in silence just the two of them. John doesn’t get down to get food. 

——-

Staci sleeps alone in their bed, hugging Jacobs pillow that still smells like him. It’s been two days with Jacob gone and he has managed to piss John off further than before. 

For some reason he has also started playing chess with Joseph. It makes time go by at least even if he’s shit at it. Jacob would approve he thinks. 

He’s bored and decides to snoop around in Jacobs stuff while he’s gone. He looks through his closet to find some of his clothes to wear like in the beginning of their relationship. It feels like such a long time ago now. 

Staci puts on one of Jacobs plaid shirts. Jacob has managed to work out a bit so he’s less chubby than back when they would hook up in the bathroom of that dodgy diner. 

He looks through in the back of the closet, finding a broken banjo and a little wooden box. At first it makes him pause, his heart going fast, but this box is way too big to be the music box. 

He takes it over to the bed and blows some dust off the top. Then he opens it, feeling only a little guilty that he’s rummaging through Jacobs private things. 

At first glance it’s just packs of unopened medicine. The stuff that Jacob stopped taking he thinks. But then his eyes catches something else, glinting in the light. 

It’s his mother’s necklace. The one Jacob gave him so many months ago. Back when they first met after the bombs fell. 

Back when Jacob would leave him dead rabbits at his door and then eventually came by with lasagna. 

Staci can’t remember what happened to this necklace. How it managed to get into Jacobs hands once again. He had brought it with him when he moved here but must have left it out on his table. 

It seems to mean a lot to Jacob too since it’s in his hidden away box. Staci leaves it. He doesn’t know why but he feels like it belongs more to Jacob now than to him or his mother. 

There’s a pocket knife in the box as well and some small papers with scribbles on it. Mostly notes and drawings of knifes and wolves. Staci never knew Jacob could draw. 

He’s really good at drawing animals as it turns out, the wolves fur looking realistic. Staci puts the paper back down on the box as to not stir any attention to the fact that he looked in it. 

He puts it back in the back of the closet and lays back down on the bed, hugging the pillow. He hopes Jacob doesn’t feel as lonely as he does. 

———

The phone rings in the middle of their chess game and Staci hurriedly gets up to pick it up. 

“Hello?” He says as he hears noise on the other end. 

“Hey it’s me.. how are you?” Jacob asks and that’s the least of what’s on Stacis mind. He wants to know how Jacob is. 

“I’m good, just playing with your brother, how are you?” He says smiling softly, enjoying hearing Jacobs voice again. 

“Playing? Playing what? And with who? John?” He asks, confused, avoiding the question. 

“With Joseph. We’re playing chess.” Staci plays along. Jacob doesn’t wanna talk about it it’s fine. 

“Chess.. right. How is he?” He asks, still stalling for time. 

“Joseph is fine, wanna talk to him?” Staci asks, even if he would rather not give up the phone to the younger Seed brother. He wants to talk to Jacob more. 

“No, I don’t have much time. Tell him hi.” Jacob says, sounding tired then. 

“Staying for a bit longer?” Staci tries to frame it so it doesn’t sound like a guilt trip to Jacob. 

“Yeah.. I don’t know for how long..” Jacob admits and Staci hums back in answer, he can hear someone yelling in the back and Jacob sighs for a bit, clearly feeling uneasy. 

“It’s not fun there huh?” Staci says, feeling compassion with him. He might regret going there already. 

“It’s for the best.” Jacob says and someone comes to call Jacobs name. “I have to go again, say hi to John too and tell him to behave. I’ll be back home before you know it.” He hurries to say, knowing Staci is hurting without him. 

“I miss you so much Jacob..” Staci says, trying to hold back tears. “Feel better soon.” He manages to say before Jacob hurriedly says “goodbye” and the line goes flat. 

He hangs up and sits down afterwards on the chair, feeling defeated. How many more days with these brothers before Jacob will be home to put order back into their world.


	16. Chapter 16

As it turns out Jacob stays for three more weeks. Staci is alone with the brothers for that long.   
Rachel comes by once or twice to watch some tv with Joseph but John rarely comes down. 

He always has his nose in his phone when he’s downstairs. Probably trying to contact Rook.   
“Any luck?” Staci asks when John walks past him. He doesn’t even lift his head he just hums back at him and Staci doesn’t know If that means yes or no. 

One day theres a knock on the door and for a split second Staci thinks it might be Jacob who has come home to surprise him. It’s not Jacob. It’s Rook. Against all odds. 

“Hi..” he says carefully. Looking inside to see if John is there.   
They hug, because Staci needs it. Needs some affection from someone he cares about. 

“Want me to call for John?” Staci says even if it tastes bad in his mouth.   
“No actually I wanna talk to you.. let’s go for a walk.” Rook says and turns around.   
Staci looks inside for a second but decides he doesn’t have to let Joseph know he’s leaving. 

They walk for a bit in silence. Staci is afraid Rook is gonna tell him he can’t see him any longer. He can’t deal with more people leaving him. 

“Did John tell you what happened to Jacob?” Staci finally says. Can’t bear any more silence.  
“Yeah.. he texts me daily. I never answer. I needed some time.” He explains and Staci is happy he wants to talk to him about it. 

“I get that. John is a lot.” Staci mumbles and they both laugh for a bit, Staci kicking a stone.   
“You of all people.. will understand why I’m with him.” Rook says after that. And Staci gets it. He’s with Jacob. He really gets it but who would ever in their right mind be with John? Maybe he doesn’t get it. 

“I don’t want to admit it but.. John has a piece of my heart..” It pains Rook to even say it, Staci can see that. And maybe he gets it after all. Jacob has more than a piece of his. Probably like 85% by now. 

“We’re really fucked huh..” Staci says and laughs a little. They walk for a bit longer in silence and then Staci feels a hand on his and he automatically takes it. It feels right. It feels safe. He almost wants to cry. 

Once they’re back around to the house, John is there. Sitting on the step, waiting for them. He gets up with hopeful eyes as he sees Rook. 

“Jacob’s at the hospital now so you can come back. You can.. you can come see me.” He sounds desperate. Like his life depends on Rook not being mad at him. 

“Sure..” Rook says and hugs John. It’s the first time Staci has ever seen this and it shocks John a bit too. Not a lot of people wanna hug him.   
He hugs Rook back desperately, arms around him and fingers clenching in his shirt.   
Staci is hurting. He misses Jacob. 

———————

Rook comes around a few more times too. He spends time with both John and Staci and it makes Staci happy. That he still has a friend around. Not just people who tried to kill him. 

He gets calls from Jacob from time to time too. Usually hurried and hushed but his boyfriend sounds better each time. One time he even makes Jacob laugh and it warms him to the core. 

“You feeling any better?” He asks after Jacobs laugh dies down. He had asked him to come back home and they could play patient and nurse. Staci promised he would have a nurse uniform ready for his man. Jacob liked that one. 

“Yeah.. I am. Not quite there yet though. Sorry.” Staci will never get used to Jacob apologizing but it sure does sound sweet coming from his mouth. 

“I got a surprise for you when you get back home..” Staci says to make him feel better about apologizing. 

“Oh yeah? A surprise?” Jacob asks, baits him a little to tell him but Staci just smiles. “You’ll see..” he says and Jacob hums. 

“Gotta go.. see you soon....” there’s a pause and Staci holds his breath while waiting. It sounds like Jacob is gonna say something else. Something more.. meaningful. But nothing else comes. So Staci answers with a “see you soon.” And Jacob hangs up. 

———————

Staci just made it home from shopping. Jacob left his credit card behind for him to take care of the remaining brothers. They still have followers who donate money and food for them. Even sometimes get the odd follower who delivers them food but Staci was in need of some fresh air and told him he would do it this time. 

He bought lots of meat and vegetables for them all and even some sweets for John. 

As soon as he puts the stuff on the shelves he hears some shuffling from the stairs. Joseph is out talking to some selected few followers. So it can only be John. 

“Got you some cinnamon rolls.” Staci says and isn’t it just weird how /normal/ it all is? How he can act like they’re all just fine and dandy. 

John stands by the edge of the kitchen. Observing Staci. He doesn’t say anything at first. Just plays with this toy he got from Jacob. To keep him from picking his skin. He tangles it nervously as he looks to Staci with intense blue eyes. Much like his brothers. 

“Can we talk?” He finally says, ignoring the cinnamon rolls. And that’s a first. Ever since John started on his medicine he has become very food driven. 

“Sure. In the sofa? I’ll be right there.” He says as he puts the remaining stuff away. John goes to sit on the plush chair facing the sofa. 

Staci finishes up and makes it to the sofa, slightly nervous. What does John have to say to him? Is he gonna yell at him for driving Jacob away to the hospital? 

“I know.. I know I haven’t been easy.” He cringes, face physically scrunching up a little as he acknowledges his difficult behavior.   
“I know you and Jacob have a strong connection. And you’ve helped me and Joseph out a lot while he’s gone..” he pauses but decides it’s important to continue. 

“You’ve helped me out with Rook too. Getting him to come back to me. And I’ve.. I’ve changed too, you know.” Staci can tell John has practiced this in the mirror. He fumbles a little over his words but keeps his voice at a casual level. 

“For that.. I want to.. I want.. to.. thank you.” He finally says. Looks to Staci with careful eyes to see if he’s gonna get denied or yelled at.   
It surprises Staci. He didn’t think John would be capable of apologizing. And so honestly too. 

“And I want to! I want to apologize for my behavior towards you. It wasn’t right for me to taunt you with Rook. I know he’s your friend.” Some of Johns smooth talking behavior is back. His words flowing effortlessly again as they used to. 

Staci waits for a bit to see if John is finished talking before he decides to say something.   
“Thank you John. I accept your apology.” Stacis words make John smile a little. Not the cruel smile he used to do back in the day. A more relieved smile. One that would never have been caught on his face in the past. 

“And you’re welcome. I just want Rook to be happy.” He confesses, making John nod in agreement. “I want that too.” He says, hands playing with the tangle toy still. 

So they’re in agreement. John looks like a burden has been lifted off of his shoulders and he gets up. Staci follows and just as he thinks they’re about to part ways again John puts his hand out.   
Staci shakes it and John smiles. More like his old self but still not as sinister.   
“Good. See you for dinner.” John says as he leaves again. Up to his room. 

Staci rubs his neck a little nervously. Jacob will be pleased to know they made up. He’ll have to tell him that when he gets back home.


	17. Chapter 17

When Jacob Is finally ready to go home, Staci picks him up immediately at the hospital. 

They hug for a long time and Staci presses his face into Jacobs neck for comfort. It’s been a while since he’s seen him.   
Jacobs hand is on his while they drive home. He’s oddly calm. Not necessarily like they drugged him up or anything, just like he’s at peace somehow. Whatever they did to him in the hospital worked. 

Once they get home John and Joseph is there to greet him. They all hug closely as Jacob whispers something to them about being sorry for leaving them again but Staci doesn’t catch the rest of it. He leaves for his favorite rocking chair on the balcony to give the family some space. 

They all eat steak that evening, Johns face red from laughing at something Jacob said. They look happy and it’s as if all is well again. It’s what they needed after Jacobs meltdown. 

That night Staci sits Jacob down in the living room and gives him the surprise he talked about on the phone. 

It’s pretty obvious what it is even if it’s gift wrapped but Jacob pretends to not know. 

“Hope you don’t mind that I rummaged around a little while cleaning. Thought it could need a boost.” Staci says as he smiles a little shyly at his confession. 

Jacob hums and unwraps it slowly, his fingers running over the new strings.   
It’s his old banjo that Staci found broken in the closet when he looked through his stuff. 

“Haven’t played this since.. well.. in years..” Jacob confesses. He has an odd look on his face, not a bad one, just like he’s deep in a memory. 

The living room is silent, the brothers have come to look on as Jacob unwrapped the gift and are now waiting for his reaction. 

“Thanks. This is nice. I wanna play again.” Jacob says as a smile breaks on his calm face and Staci can breathe again. He was afraid Jacob wouldn’t like it, maybe it had bad memories along with it or something but if that’s the case then he doesn’t show it. 

John smiles too, coming closer to take a look at the old banjo with new life in it. “Haven’t seen this in a while. Jacob used to play by the campfires, making all the girls swoon” he laughs and Jacob joins him. Staci is sure he would be blushing if he was anyone else than Jacob. 

“I’ll have to practice though, don’t think I can play a whole song anymore..” he says, sounding a little torn but Staci carefully puts a hand on his shoulder to make him feel comfortable and not at all rushed. 

“That’s okay, we can look up some songs together, I’m sure I’ll swoon once you get going too” Staci says with a smile, curling his fingers in Jacobs long hair. 

“Need a hair cut..” Jacob rumbles at the touch of Stacis fingers. 

“Me too.” John says making a grimace. They all have been neglecting their looks a little during all of their recovery process. 

“Guess we need some self care time then! I’ll figure something out for you all.” Staci answers. He has no wish to cut his hair at the moment. It’s long as it’s always been, how he likes it. 

They end the night with some tea and tv and Staci is so happy Jacob is home, he clings to him all through the night even. 

—————-

Staci expects the spell to be broken any day now. He expects Jacob to go back to his violent self or at least be a little less calm all the time. He doesn’t get that. 

He gets a very normal Jacob. Which is good for a change but also a little like the fire has gone out of him. 

Days go by and Staci sleeps soundlessly next to Jacob in their bed, no worries on his mind. 

Even their sex is calm. Jacob eating him out until he cries out and comes, fingers tight and tugging at his long red locks. And when Staci is nice and loose from it all, Jacob slides his cock inside of him and fucks him with a soft smile on his face. Like he’s so happy to be home, in his bed, with his boyfriend. 

“Missed you..” he whispers into Stacis ear, holding him close as he thrusts, making Staci moan softly with overstimulation. It feels good though, to have Jacob inside of him again, he jerks himself to keep the pleasure going until he’s hard again, almost like he never came to begin with. Only his seed being the evidence. 

“I love you..” is next and Staci freezes. He never expected Jacob to say such words. Never thought he was capable of it. 

Jacob senses the shock and moves Stacis hair out of his eyes so they can stare at each other. 

“I mean it.. being away from you.. I know what I need in my life. Know what I deserve and what I don’t. I don’t deserve you but you’re mine anyways. I know that much..” he says clearly in the dark. Like he’s been practicing. 

Staci lets a tear fall down his cheek but doesn’t let go of Jacobs body. 

“I don’t expect you to say it back.” Jacob says as he kisses Stacis wet cheek, continues to thrusts inside of him until Staci moans softly again and they both climax, Jacob first then Staci following suit. 

Jacob cleans them both up and curls around his boyfriend who still hasn’t said anything. He’s content though. Like he doesn’t mind. Like he’s just happy he said something at all. 

Staci lays awake for a few hours after that. Not sure what to do with that information. Things will be different now. That much he knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jacob said the thing! 😬

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta’ed, apologies if mistakes! Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
